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CRITIC’S Favorite Films of 2009!

Posted by admin On January - 1 - 2010 ADD COMMENTS

Inglourious Basterds

Crackling dialogue? Check. Gruesome and cringe-worthy deaths? Check. Fantastic music? Check. All of the hallmarks of Quentin Tarantino’s signature style are here, but this time we’re seeing those elements translated to Nazi-occupied France. That allows for QT to create one of his best villains, Colonel Hans Landa (AKA The Jew Hunter), played by Christoph Waltz. Waltz is sure to get an Oscar nomination, and well he should; it’s not easy to be terrifying in four different languages. But Waltz’s fine performance is just one among many excellent efforts from the entire cast. And lest you think plots to assassinate high-ranking Nazis are predictable, think again; I won’t spoil the ending, but I will that say that Tarantino is smart enough not to let history dictate what his characters are going to get away with.

Avatar

James Cameron kept us waiting for over a decade while technology caught up to his vision of humans and aliens on a faraway world. Was it worth the wait? Absolutely. Sure, the story could use a bit of work, and the dialogue isn’t Shakespeare, but none of that matters while you’re watching the movie. The world of Pandora is simply breathtaking, and not since the Lord of the Rings trilogy have we been transported to such a fully-realized environment. And better yet, Avatar’s alien landscape is like nothing we’ve ever seen on film before. I predict that years from now, we’ll see Avatar as a watershed moment in the use of CGI, much the same way we look at how Star Wars changed people’s expectations of special effects.

An Education

There’s a fresh sense of discovery in An Education — the giddiness of a first crush, the anticipation of a bright future, the heartbreak of realizing that some things are too good to be true. And that feeling of discovery extends to its star, Carrey Mulligan, who proves here that she’s ready for the big time. An Education is about as well-acted as is possible, with excellent, nuanced work from the likes of Peter Sarsgaard, Olivia Williams, Alfred Molina, and Emma Thompson. But this is Mulligan’s show, and she conveys an astonishing mix of wide-eyed optimism and precociousness — that is, until things come tumbling down. The movie is witty, sad, and almost effortlessly smart…and it’s got a killer soundtrack to boot. It’s a movie I couldn’t stop thinking about for days after I saw it…and every time I did, I smiled.

I Love You, Man

Walking out of I Love You, Man, I couldn’t help but think to myself, “Why aren’t more comedies like that?” I Love You, Man gets practically everything right: it transcends its sitcommy premise with some profound questions about the complex nature of friendship without resorting to schmaltz; it contains believable, three-dimensional characters having discussions — and sometimes arguments — about real issues; and it never stops being funny, occasionally crudely and gut-bustlingly so. It also gets bonus points for not treating its gay characters as stereotypes, and for making its celebrity cameo work for his credit (nicely done, Lou Ferrigno). I Love You, Man isn’t the funniest movie I saw in 2009 (that prize goes to Zombieland) , but it’s one of the warmest, truest comedies I’ve seen in ages.

Red Cliff

John Woo’s comeback flick and nobody goes out to see it? I was at first hesitant to go out to watch it, hearing that it was a severely shortened version of a four hour movie, based on Chinese history I had no idea about. But the movie’s an absolute thrill nearly all the way (ending’s a bit weak), and a masterwork in storytelling and editing. Woo keeps the story simple, while every action sequence is crisp, staged to perfection, and never just a flurry of quick, violent images.

Fantastic Mr. Fox

Next on my list: Fantastic Mr. Fox. Looks like I was attracted to the comeback stories this year. After producing movies for a few years with diminishing returns, Wes Anderson returns to form with this funny and wistful adaptation of the Roald Dahl story. Anderson loads the Mr. Fox’s journey with subtext and mature heart, while keeping the comedy clean for the kids. I can’t say how well it succeeds as family-oriented entertainment, but as an adult, it’s utterly fantastic.

Antichrist

Ah, Lars von Trier, you wacky prankster. Who else would combine graphic genital mutilation, talking foxes and a dedication to Andrei Tarkovsky to make a grisly arthouse splatter movie that had audiences at Cannes feinting and critics violently leveling charges of misogyny? The controversy surrounding Antichrist — and yes, it’s definitely a grueling film to watch — tended to obscure the real beauty of it. For me, this was the most terrifying horror movie of the year; not for the notorious elements but for the psychological menace it exerted — which is the scariest thing of all. Though sequences in the movie seem to tumble from nightmare, von Trier seems most to identify with his female protagonist (Charlotte Gainsbourg, in an electrifying and frightening turn) and her journey through depression at the mercy of her arrogant, foolish husband (Willem Dafoe). Then again, there’s always a sense of mischief behind all of von Trier’s scenes. I think John Waters, no stranger to shock, put it nicely: “If Ingmar Bergman had committed suicide, gone to hell, and come back to earth to direct an exploitation/art film for drive-ins, this is the movie he would have made.”

Coraline

It was so great to see that, in a year saturated with 3-D CGI, the two best animated films — Fantastic Mr. Fox and Coraline — were rendered in meticulous stop-frame wonder, proving that the old art still has the ability to enchant. Where Wes Anderson celebrated the form in its archaic glory, Henry Selick — who was originally set to direct Mr. Fox — made use of digital and 3-D for Coraline; yet these aspects only served to enhance what is an intricately realized stop-motion world. Selick’s detail in set and character design is just splendid — from the button-eyes sewn into the simulacrums of Coraline’s “other” world to a flying grasshopper mechanoid — and his expansion of Neil Gaiman’s story actually widens the scope for our own imagination, rather than overstuffing it with movie set pieces. Of course, if the movie had simply consisted of the jumping mouse circus for 90 minutes straight, it still would’ve been my favorite.

Moon

It’s always nice when things take you by surprise. So many millions of online column inches precede the release of a Star Trek or a Terminator that the resulting film will either be the very movie you’d hoped for or, more likely, it’ll disappoint you entirely. When you don’t know what you’re going to get before you sit down in a darkened theatre, you can never be disappointed and are often pleasantly surprised. Moon offered the latter. Who knew that a low-budget Brit indie could not only prove to be one of the year’s best movies, but that it could compete in its genre with the best from Hollywood? Only Star Trek came close to being as impressive. The greatest science-fiction stories work because they’re set in a wholly believable universe, one that you are convinced lives and breathes even outside of the realms of the particular tale you’re watching. Think Star Wars, Blade Runner and, indeed, Star Trek. Moon does just this – despite setting itself on a lonely moon base and revolving only around one character and his smiley-faced robot, it’s fully-formed enough to give you a flavour of the grander universe and make the journey of the film’s lead actually mean something. Director Duncan Jones and producer Stuart Fenegan have promised us more within the same universe in a follow-up called Mute – I can’t wait.

Le Donk & Scor-zay-zee

Shane Meadows isn’t known for his comedy. While there may be laughs in like likes of A Room For Romeo Brass and Somers Town, his forte is in those films’ emotional core and in the gritty drama of the likes of This is England and Dead Man’s Shoes. But Donk, a hapless roadie whose delusions of grandeur have convinced him of his musical genius, has been around for years as a sideshow character created in little shorts Meadows made with his star, Paddy Considine. The film follows Donk and his latest musical prodigy, a rapper named Scor-zay-zee, as they try to find a space on the bill at an Arctic Monkeys gig. The brilliance of the film is in the paper thin line between life and fantasy – Scor-zay-zee is a real rapper and Shane Meadows appears in the film as himself, directing a documentary following Donk. Likewise, the Arctic Monkeys gig is real, and it’s no spoiler to share that Scorz does get his moment on stage in front of 50,000 fans. Shot in five days on a miniscule budget, Le Donk is one of the year’s most brilliant comedies, and anyone outside of the UK would do well to find a multi-region DVD player and import a copy – it deserves to be a huge cult favourite.

Zombieland

I wasn’t entirely prepared for what Zombieland would be like. I had some idea, of course, that it was going to be a sort of wry look at zombie movies, and that there would be a healthy dose of comedy tossed in. And maybe because I had been disappointed by the 2009 release calendar in general, I was aching for something to wow me and get me really excited. Suffice it to say, I had an absolute blast watching this movie. From the opening credits to the final climactic sequence, I can’t remember the last time I had this much pure FUN at the theater. I don’t know that there’s necessarily any deeper messages to take away from Zombieland, or that there’s anything groundbreaking or worthy of study in any cinema classes, but when it comes down to well-crafted entertainment, Ruben Fleischer has put together an exhilarating, hilarious, action-packed, and, in some ways, cathartic little film here. When Woody Harrelson grabbed onto a tilt-a-whirl with one hand and began blasting zombies with the uzi in his other hand, I couldn’t help but smile and enjoy the ride. Fleischer’s off to a great start here, and I’ll most definitely be on the lookout for any future projects from him.

The Hurt Locker

Working here at RT, one is introduced to all sorts of films that the average moviegoer might never see (or even hear about, for that matter), and every once in a while, one of those small, independent films manages to break out of its shell and make the world take notice. This sleeper hit first caught my attention when it began receiving the highest praise from critics everywhere, and by the time I finally got around to seeing it, The Hurt Locker had already moved into second-run theaters. I have to say, even with all the acclaim lavished upon the film, I was not disappointed. Kathryn Bigelow does a magnificent job maintaining an incredible amount of tension throughout the movie (the only other film I saw this year that matched this feat was Inglourious Basterds) without resorting to cheap thrills, and Jeremy Renner offers what I feel to be a strong contender for the breakout performance of the year (too bad his TV show, The Unusuals, didn’t fare as well — I rather liked it). For a “war movie,” The Hurt Locker has relatively few explosions and all-out firefights; instead, its strongest sequences come in the form of those quiet moments of tense ambiguity, when the viewer is aware something could happen. And those moments are sublimely executed.

Up in the Air

I’ll be the first to admit that I have hyped myself out of many a “good movie.” So when I bought tickets to see Up in the Air right after it won Best Feature from the National Board of Review, I went into my local Cineramadome a bit skeptical. I sat. I watched. And I loved. After watching the perfectly cast and brilliant performances by George Clooney (whose character I related to in a variety of ways…and we are often mistaken for one another by strangers), Vera Farmiga, and one of my new dreamboats Anna Kendrick, in a film about how we all experience emotion, I got it. Up in the Air lived up to the hype. The story was unique. The characters mattered. And though I saw the end coming, being along for the very human, very real ride made Up in the Air my favorite movie of the year.

Star Trek

J.J. Abrams’ Star Trek completely flipped the cool factor of the question, “Dude, did you see Star Trek?” While most of the people who helped Star Trek make out like bandits at the box office likely wouldn’t necessarily identify themselves as Trekkies, for two hours and seven minutes, I certainly was one, despite my resistance to my brother’s Star Trek fandom growing up. The action sequences were CGI eye candy, and James T. Kirk’s (Chris Pine) origin story was compelling enough for a Star Trek novice like me to pick up on the fun references. Whether by design or not, seeing Kirk as someone who was more like me, instead of a neighbor’s cool dad, transformed how I understood his character and made me appreciate what I knew of the series even more. And I would be remiss not to mention that I was proud to see that in the future, a young Asian male (John Cho) is entrusted with the keys to the dopest ride in town (that town being Space: The Final Frontier). Though it was your inspiration that started the movement, Hikaru Sulu, I will help lay the foundations for you here in the past to crush stereotypes in the future.

The Hangover

Yeah, we’ve seen raunchy comedies about men behaving badly before — quite a number of them this decade, actually, and a few from director Todd Phillips — but few of them have been as consistently funny as The Hangover, and none of them have raked in the kind of record-setting cash generated by this sun-baked tale of three groomsmen who lose their groom after a wild night in Vegas. What sets Hangover apart isn’t just that it’s loads of laughs, but that its leads’ comedic styles mesh so beautifully. From Zach Galifianakis’ insane non sequitirs to Ed Helms’ uptight doofus to Bradley Cooper’s unctuous emotional adolescent, the movie is a veritable comedy buffet — and when you toss in Ken Jeong as an effeminate, occasionally naked gangster, well…The Hangover 2 can’t come quickly enough, can it?

Food, Inc.

From Fast Food Nation to In Defense of Food, Americans have spent the aughts taking more of an active interest in what they eat than they have for generations — and if you’ve read either of those books, Robert Kenner’s Food, Inc. won’t tell you much you don’t already know. Then again, neither of those books make their arguments with 94 minutes of snazzy graphics, concise interviews, and revolting film clips drawn from across the agribusiness spectrum. There’s just something about seeing it all unfold on the screen — something Eric Schlosser and Michael Pollan, authors of the aforementioned books, must understand, seeing as how they both appear in Food, Inc. Whether or not you subscribe to any of the many burgeoning food movements that have gained prominence over the last decade, this documentary makes a compelling case for doing something we’ve gotten used to believing we didn’t have to do: thinking about where our food comes from.

Treeless Mountain

This almost dialogue-free, South Korean/American Coproduction by So Young Kim (In Between Days) could have been the pin-drop heard around the world-instead it’s largely unsung, even though it was showcased by A.O. Scott in his fantastic piece on New Neo-Realism. About two sisters (6 and 4 years old) who’s mother goes on a search for their absentee father and leaves them in the custody of Dickensian family members, the film evokes the viewer’s own perspective of childhood in all its gauzy, gorgeous horror. And while all that sounds rough (and it surely is), these girls’ version of “growing up,” which in an American film might have been a tragically bittersweet development, in this film looks like the most hopeful and joyous thing that any young person could ever concede to. I cried like the children I wish those girls had the luxury to be.

Precious: Based on the Novel “Push” by Sapphire

A melodrama in social-realist clothing, Precious is based on a novel that’s written largely in phonetic near-English, but director Lee Daniel’s film adaptation aims at such a neutral narration Daniel’s tragic tenement story leaves nothing for us to decipher at all. We spend most of the movie holding our breath hoping Precious (Gaby Sibide), an overweight, illiterate, pregnant, 16 year old, survives the horror movie madness that surrounds her. The lunatics, drug addicts and abusive parents that endanger her are as epic as super-hero menaces but the only superpowers Precious’ has at her disposal reside in the alternate reality she escapes to when she’s brutalized-escape from this vision of 80’s NY seems imaginary until it grows clearer that Precious’ strongest weapon is her budding self-worth. Like Treeless Mountain this is a film about surviving youth to reach a hopeful passage into adulthood, and this adulthood is one that changes the landscape in as many ways visible as invisible.

Does Sci-Fi Stand A Chance at the Oscars?

Posted by admin On December - 31 - 2009 ADD COMMENTS

For movie fans, the Academy Awards are kind of like the Superbowl. But unlike the Superbowl, when it comes to the Oscars it hasn’t always been an even playing field. In the world of sports it all seems so simple: if you win, you get a spot in the championships. But in the world of movies, sometimes the films that are the most loved by audiences (or critics) are overlooked by Academy members because of a long-standing prejudice against blockbusters, or because they’re labeled as “genre fare”. But, a recent article in Variety has suggested that sci-films (which have traditionally been relegated to the tech categories) could finally be earning some respect as Best Picture contenders. For some time now, there has been a complaint that the Academy has lost touch with modern films, and that the members still suffer from a touch of snobbery when it comes to what makes a film worthy of consideration for that little golden man.

But things are changing, and with 10 spots open for Best Picture nods there is a chance that this year maybe it won’t be the same old movies making it into the winners circle. Sci-fi is more popular than ever before, and in 2009, some of the best reviewed flicks were genre films. But until those nominations are announced, we can only speculate, so I decided to put forth my suggestions for sci-fi films that I think have earned a shot at an Oscar. Now before we get started, keep in mind that I’m not saying these films should win an Oscar, just that they deserve a shot.

After the jump: My 5 suggestions for sci-fi Oscar contenders….

MOON

Why it could be nominated: If the Academy wanted to honor a sci-fi film that isn’t packed with lasers and explosions, then look no further than Duncan Jones’ Moon. The film was a huge hit with critics and fans, and brought back the notion of ’serious’ sci-fi and even earned comparisons to Kubrick’s 2001. Not to mention, it isn’t easy to carry a film, but Sam Rockwell’s performance as the lunar technician was a standout this year.

AVATAR

Why it could be nominated: It may be a little early in the game, but James Cameron’s 3D opus has what it takes to be a big winner at this year’s festivities — and not just in the technical achievements either. The buzz for the film is already in overdrive and Cameron has proven before that he can wow the Academy. After all, if ‘popcorn epics’ like Gladiator and Braveheart can walk away with the gold, why not the Na’vi?

DISTRICT  9

Why it could be nominated: Hollywood loves the story of the ‘little film that could’, and there was no better feel-good story than Neil Blomkamp’s rise from obscure short-filmmaker to helming one of the biggest (and best reviewed) hits of the summer season.

STAR TREK

Why it could be nominated: Not only did J. J. Abrams make one of the best sci-fi action films in recent history, he did the impossible: he pleased novices and Trek fans alike, and if that doesn’t earn the man a nod, I don’t know what could.

THE ROAD

Why it could be nominated: Like Moon, this flick proved that sci-fi can be as dramatic and harrowing as any typical ‘best picture’ hopeful. Plus, once you throw in the literary pedigree and the Oscar nominated (and winning) cast, you’ve got an ideal candidate for the gold.

So what do you think — could a sci-fi film walk away with Best Picture, or is the Academy too set in their ways to let a different kind of movie into the winners circle? Sound off below…

The 10 Most Disappointing Movies of 2009

Posted by admin On December - 31 - 2009 ADD COMMENTS

Ah yes, at the end of the year it’s certainly tempting to look back with fondness at the more memorable movies (’Up’ or ‘Anvil! The Story of Anvil’) of the past 365 days. No one wants to pick the scab of box office disappointments, adventures in stupidity and paeans to the craptastic, do they? Oh, actually, we do. Here are the top 10 movies we were eagerly anticipating, only to have them dash our expectations upon the rocks of cinematic suckage.

‘Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Okay, we don’t expect a lot from this franchise beyond cool CGI smash-’em-up robots, Megan Fox in a tank top and, um, did we mention the smash-’em-up robots? But even going in with admittedly low standards, we were awestruck at just how stinky this stinker really was. You wouldn’t expect to have problems following the plot of a movie about robots, and yet this story was so clearly stuck together after director Michael Bay came up with his ideas for what would look cool to blow up and stomp on we kinda wish he’d done what he obviously wanted to do — just shoot images of cool stuff getting smashed with the occasional shot of Fox leaning over. At least then we wouldn’t have had to watch her “act.”

‘The Lovely Bones’

Admittedly, everyone knew the book by Alice Sebold would be tough to adapt. Starting off with the grisly rape and murder of a 14-year-old girl, the best-seller wasn’t exactly summer blockbuster material. But who better to take on such dark subject matter than director Peter Jackson? While guys might know him for ‘The Lord of the Rings,’ indie film fans still can’t shake their memories of ‘Heavenly Creatures,’ the searing based-on-a-true-story drama about two murderous teenage girls. But instead of tackling the tough stuff in ‘Bones,’ Jackson sidesteps the trauma, admitting that he wanted to make a movie his teenage daughter could see. Huh? No wonder ‘The New Yorker’ called the end result “redundant and undramatic.”

‘The Invention of Lying’

On the small screen, Ricky Gervais can do no wrong. He created ‘The Office’ and ‘Extras,’ for crying out loud. And, even though ‘Ghost Town’ was so-so at best, we still had high hopes that Gervais would be able to bring his sharp-edged wit to this comedy about a world in which everyone is unflinchingly honest. After all, the trailer, featuring Jennifer Garner as Gervais’ deeply disappointed blind date, was screamingly funny. And so were the first 15 minutes of the movie. Unfortunately, the film kept ambling predictably along, getting cuddlier with every passing minute. While Gervais seems happy to make us squirm watching the foibles of his flawed characters on TV, on the big screen he seems incapable of coming across as anything other than a pretty nice guy. And if that’s what we wanted, we’d rent a Tim Allen movie.

‘Did You Hear About The Morgans?’

Every romantic comedy junkie knows that Hugh Grant and Sarah Jessica Parker are possibly the king and queen of the genre. Too bad that they go together about as well as a tuna and chocolate sandwich. Still, even the cutest couple would be hard pressed to save what has to be one of the corniest concepts around — two urbanites on the brink of divorce are forced to relocate to Wyoming after witnessing a murder and — gollllleeee! — don’t they just patch things up real nice after being exposed to the wide open spaces and abundant mayonnaise? Darn tootin’! Insulting to the flyover states and perfectly predictable, we certainly wish we’d never heard about ‘The Morgans.’

‘X-Men Origins: Wolverine’

Hugh Jackman works the extra-long sideburns and wife-beater T-shirt better than anyone we know. And Liev Schreiber as his resentful half-brother? Perfection. But origin stories are often a suspense-free snore, and this one lacks the character development that’s usually the bonus for sitting through a movie in which we know Wolverine will turn out just fine. Instead, we get lots of pointless action scenes and a jarring ending featuring appearances by X-Men Cyclops and Sabretooth — but played by other actors than James Marsden and Tyler Mane. Call it revisionist pre-history, but we could have waited for this one on cable.

‘Land of the Lost’

Sometimes great remakes can come from pretty crappy source material (’Oceans Eleven,’ anyone?). This would not be one of those. The 1974 TV series was a gleefully silly adventure in low-budget Saturday morning entertainment for kids. The resulting movie is … well, a mess. Too bawdy for kids, too silly for adults, it’s a weird mishmash of ‘Chorus Line’ jokes (yeah, that’s one the kids are gonna get), dinosaurs and sexual aggressive prehistoric men. Will Ferrell, we expect better from you.

‘Public Enemies’

We’ll watch Johnny Depp and Christian Bale read the phone book any day, no problem. Too bad this movie looks like someone dipped it in coffee grounds, left it out to dry and then stomped on it a few times. We get the sepia tones, but the jarringly modern shaky camera thing just made us want to throw up. And then there’s the little issue of Dillinger being a guy who robs banks. Period. Even Depp couldn’t make this character more than a head-scratching one liner. If director Michael Mann wants us to sit quietly in our seats for 140 minutes, we need a little more to go on than that.

‘Whatever Works’

Sure, we’d about given up on Woody Allen making another good film until last year, when he surprised us by hitting a solid single with ‘Vicky Cristina Barcelona.’ So yeah, we got our hopes up. After all, with king curmudgeon Larry David filling in as Allen’s cranky doppelganger this time around, ‘Works’ seemed like it just might, well, work. It doesn’t. It really, really doesn’t. Yet again, Allen has to skeeve us out with a May-December romance that borders on the puke-inducing (Evan Rachel Wood and Larry David? Ewww!), bore us with a hackneyed plot and suggest that anyone who doesn’t live in New York is a boob who’ll only blossom once he gets to Manhattan. Fail.

‘Where the Wild Things Are’

We love Spike Jonze. We love Maurice Sendak’s classic children’s book. We love Catherine Keener. We loved the amazing trailer, set to the Arcade Fire’s ‘Wake Up.’ There was no way we weren’t going to love this movie. And yet, we didn’t. Call us crazy, but we never pictured the Wild Things as having mental health problems. One is manic depressive, another is bitterly narcissistic, and let’s not even get into Things suffering from what seems to be post traumatic stress disorder. These Wild Things may look all crazy cuddly and fun, but let’s face it — each one is a big, stinking drag. Add to that the fact that Max is pretty much a mom-biting brat on screen and it’s hard not to want to bitch-slap Jonze and over-hyped collaborator Dave Eggers for ruining our childhood memories.

‘Bride Wars’

Sure, Kate Hudson has starred in an endless string of stinkers since ‘Almost Famous,’ but that doesn’t mean we don’t still love her a little. Put her head-to-head with Anne Hathaway (who wowed us last year with ‘Rachel Getting Married’), add bridezilla tension, and we’re thinking this could be a fun excuse to pack away some popcorn on a Saturday afternoon. But in truth, seeing two intelligent, successful best friends turn on each other like maniac preschoolers fighting over who gets the better Barbie is just depressing.

Honorable Mention: ‘Watchmen’

Actually, we kinda liked ‘Watchmen.’ But the truth was, we never expected anyone to bring Alan Moore’s brilliant graphic novels to the screen, much less live up to the source material, so our bar was set pretty low. And in truth, it’s a mixed bag. The movie gets bogged down in exposition, yet never delivers quite enough for viewers who haven’t read the comic series; it’s damn long (161 minutes) but, even so, too short for devoted fans; and it’s got at least one laughably bad love scene. It can also be argued that, taken out of its late ’80s setting, the movie no longer holds much of a political punch. Still, even a deeply flawed ‘Watchmen’ was better than most of the stuff clogging up the cineplex, so we’ll just leave this one on the honorable mention list.

Cinematical Seven: Best Mayhem of 2009

Posted by admin On December - 31 - 2009 ADD COMMENTS

At this time last year, I was proudly tasked with chronicling 2008’s finest moments in “big-screen mayhem, violence, destruction and other such shenanigans.” I’ve still opted to sort these sequences out by specific manner of cinematic excess, and I’ve swapped out a category for “Most Tasteless Slaughter” (think effectively restrained moments of off-screen violence) for “Most Ridiculous Action” (think the exact opposite of that).

As usual, your comments/suggestions are welcome, and as usual, we didn’t intentionally leave any titles off. Besides, if we went ahead and listed every single action or horror flick from 2009, what fun would that be?

Most pervasive destruction

The world really took a lickin’ at the movies this year. Knowing, 2012 and The Road all decided to subject everyone to an apocalyptic cataclysm (cultural losses ranged from The White House and the Las Vegas strip to Charlize Theron). On a smaller, funnier scale, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs proved to be a surprisingly adept send-up of disaster movies, A Town Called Panic brought a gonzo armageddon upon its stop-motion residents, and The Hangover demolished the Las Vegas strip in its own unique way. (Bonus points for working Mike Tyson’s pet tiger in there, fellas.)

Pulpiest carnage

Liam Neeson didn’t let a PG-13 rating get in his way as he single-handedly took apart the thugs of Paris in Taken, a head in a microwave was a creative (if cheap) note on which to end the Last House on the Left remake, Zombieland had very few zombies to show during its second act before paying off like gangbusters with its amusement-park climax, and Ninja Assassin admittedly didn’t skimp on its flagrantly fake bloodshed. The MVPs, though? Those Inglourious Basterds, for taking out a theater full of Nazis (Hitler included) between scalpings.

Best bloodless battles

Okay, this beat remains for the kiddies. Monsters vs. Aliens’ mid-movie melee at the Golden Gate Bridge is still eye-popping and exciting, even at home in 2-D, and Where the Wild Things Are’s dirt clod fight was both amusing and sentimental.

Most ridiculous action

Did you hear the one about the priest (Ewan McGregor) who took the anti-matter bomb up in a helicopter above Vatican City and then parachuted to safety (Angels & Demons)? How about the fight between the gypsy and the girl armed with office supplies in Drag Me to Hell? In Law Abiding Citizen, a cell phone took a woman’s head clean off, while in G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, ice defied logic and sunk instead of floating (though by that point in the flick, we’d already had that pretty fun and wholly silly chase towards the Eiffel Tower). Last but not least would be Avatar, and since most people haven’t had a chance to see it yet, let me just say this: why would anyone have a knife that big?

Most beautiful death

In terms of specific death scenes, I’d go with either Rorschach’s angry demise in Watchmen or John Dillinger’s fateful exit in Public Enemies. In terms of classy excitement, it’s hard to deny that The International’s awesome shootout would be a little less cool if set anywhere besides the Guggenheim. The setting practically makes the sequence itself a work of art.

Too close for comfort

This one’s a three-way tie, between Donkey Punch’s flare to the chest (or even the titular punch to the head that kicks things off), Orphan’s knife to a young boy’s groin (held but what we think is a young girl, and creepier for it), or The Collector’s floor full of bear traps bit (maybe not practical, but certainly gruesome). Addendum: I won’t be adding every comment to the post, but I just can’t forgive myself for overlooking Antichrist’s gruesome groin antics. Let chaos reign once more.

Funniest shenanigans

Has it really been almost a year since we got to see a nude bimbo and a short-of-stature hotel manager get terrorized in 3-D by a pick-axe-wielding maniac in My Bloody Valentine? Ah, those were the days. A bit less intentional was the laughable notion in Push that thugs able to scream loud enough to blow up fish was the stuff money shots were made of. More shocking was the flasher’s fate in Observe and Report (I was totally agape on first viewing; Weinberg can attest to this), and nearly as hilarious was the very first time Wikus popped somebody with his alien weaponry in District 9 (and do I mean popped).

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