Recently I received a letter from a young man who had been married only a few years. He was seeking advice for what to do with a marriage which had seemingly lost the spark and excitement it once had. He was finding his marriage dull and routine, and was looking for an excuse to seek fulfillment elsewhere. This young man’s dilemma is certainly not unique. Just look at the staggering divorce rates in this country if you don’t believe me. Fortunately, there is a simple solution to this problem.

My advice to this young man was the same as it is for all others experiencing similar difficulties in their relationships. Relationships are like anything else, the more time and effort we put into them, the more successful they will be. If our marriages and other relationships seem unsatisfying, we must first look at what we are putting into these relationships, rather than what we’re getting out of them. We can’t expect more from a relationship than we’re willing to put into it.

When we’re first courting, our infatuation with the other person leads us to be romantic and prone to outward signs of affection. We write love letters, spend hours talking about our deepest feelings and thoughts, we hold hands in public, and say sweet things for no reason, etc. Unfortunately, as the relationship continues and we begin to focus more on other things and less on our partner, the relationship loses its initial spark and we begin to feel a loss of love, intimacy and excitement. This doesn’t mean our love is fading or the relationship has less to offer, it simply means we’ve forgotten to keep the love alive.

We all can recapture the excitement, love, and intimacy our relationships once had, and without a major overhaul. Simply putting forth a little effort each day can make all the difference in the world. When was the last time you woke up, turned to your partner and told them you loved them? Or called them at the office for no other reason than to say you missed them? If you need ideas, just think back to the things you did when you were first dating. It won’t take long for your partner to notice your renewed affection, and suddenly you’ll find them returning these gestures of love. Soon the relationship you once questioned will have taken on a whole new sense of fulfillment, love, and intimacy.

We all can have a lifelong love affair with our partners, we simply need to remember to put into the relationship what we want out of it.

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We know how important it is to a healthy marriage to spend one-on-one time with our spouse (see Rekindling the Romance). We also know how hard it is to manage an evening at home–just the two of you. Here are some tips for taking advantage of that rare opportunity by hosting an intimate evening that you’ll both remember.all the way until next time.

Anticipation

Plan the evening at least one week in advance. That will give you plenty of time to think, fantasize, and talk to your partner.

On the big day, give him a call on his cell phone or at the office. Let him know what you’ve been thinking about all week. Whether your phone call is explicit or subtle, it will get him thinking and fantasizing, too.

Clothing

Go shopping. If you are at home with the kids all day, order a new sexy outfit online. And even if you are absolutely certain that you know what your husband most wants to see you wear.ask him. Take him on a romp through the Frederick’s of Hollywood or the Victoria’s Secret catalog or online store. From vamp to cowgirl to girl-next-door, his ideas and fantasies might surprise you.

The Menu

Keep it light. Go easy on rich meats, cheese, sauces, and desserts, so that you are still feeling sexy after the meal. Plan a menu of fruits and vegetables. Try new spices, which can be exotic and erotic. Aromatherapy can help set the mood, as well. Damiana is said to be an arousing essential oil.

Aroma is closely linked to mood. Take your time as you eat to savor the aromas and the mood you have created. Candlelight creates a diffuse glow. Soft, soothing music only adds to the mood.

Strawberries with chocolate sauce make a perfect dessert. Light. Delicious. Sensuous and visually stimulating. You might want to move the final course into the bedroom.

A glass of wine or two can help lower your inhibitions and give you just the right frame of mind. Buy a pair of fine long-stemmed, wine glasses.something that makes you feel sexy as you hold the glass, massage the stem, and swirl the liquid inside.

Experiment

In her online article, “Food and Mood,” internationally renowned “sexologist” and author Ava Cadell suggests turning eating into a sensual ritual. Use what you have around the house for playful massage.ice, honey, whipped cream. Cadell’s article features an adventurous use of powdered gelatin.

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Inglourious Basterds

Crackling dialogue? Check. Gruesome and cringe-worthy deaths? Check. Fantastic music? Check. All of the hallmarks of Quentin Tarantino’s signature style are here, but this time we’re seeing those elements translated to Nazi-occupied France. That allows for QT to create one of his best villains, Colonel Hans Landa (AKA The Jew Hunter), played by Christoph Waltz. Waltz is sure to get an Oscar nomination, and well he should; it’s not easy to be terrifying in four different languages. But Waltz’s fine performance is just one among many excellent efforts from the entire cast. And lest you think plots to assassinate high-ranking Nazis are predictable, think again; I won’t spoil the ending, but I will that say that Tarantino is smart enough not to let history dictate what his characters are going to get away with.

Avatar

James Cameron kept us waiting for over a decade while technology caught up to his vision of humans and aliens on a faraway world. Was it worth the wait? Absolutely. Sure, the story could use a bit of work, and the dialogue isn’t Shakespeare, but none of that matters while you’re watching the movie. The world of Pandora is simply breathtaking, and not since the Lord of the Rings trilogy have we been transported to such a fully-realized environment. And better yet, Avatar’s alien landscape is like nothing we’ve ever seen on film before. I predict that years from now, we’ll see Avatar as a watershed moment in the use of CGI, much the same way we look at how Star Wars changed people’s expectations of special effects.

An Education

There’s a fresh sense of discovery in An Education — the giddiness of a first crush, the anticipation of a bright future, the heartbreak of realizing that some things are too good to be true. And that feeling of discovery extends to its star, Carrey Mulligan, who proves here that she’s ready for the big time. An Education is about as well-acted as is possible, with excellent, nuanced work from the likes of Peter Sarsgaard, Olivia Williams, Alfred Molina, and Emma Thompson. But this is Mulligan’s show, and she conveys an astonishing mix of wide-eyed optimism and precociousness — that is, until things come tumbling down. The movie is witty, sad, and almost effortlessly smart…and it’s got a killer soundtrack to boot. It’s a movie I couldn’t stop thinking about for days after I saw it…and every time I did, I smiled.

I Love You, Man

Walking out of I Love You, Man, I couldn’t help but think to myself, “Why aren’t more comedies like that?” I Love You, Man gets practically everything right: it transcends its sitcommy premise with some profound questions about the complex nature of friendship without resorting to schmaltz; it contains believable, three-dimensional characters having discussions — and sometimes arguments — about real issues; and it never stops being funny, occasionally crudely and gut-bustlingly so. It also gets bonus points for not treating its gay characters as stereotypes, and for making its celebrity cameo work for his credit (nicely done, Lou Ferrigno). I Love You, Man isn’t the funniest movie I saw in 2009 (that prize goes to Zombieland) , but it’s one of the warmest, truest comedies I’ve seen in ages.

Red Cliff

John Woo’s comeback flick and nobody goes out to see it? I was at first hesitant to go out to watch it, hearing that it was a severely shortened version of a four hour movie, based on Chinese history I had no idea about. But the movie’s an absolute thrill nearly all the way (ending’s a bit weak), and a masterwork in storytelling and editing. Woo keeps the story simple, while every action sequence is crisp, staged to perfection, and never just a flurry of quick, violent images.

Fantastic Mr. Fox

Next on my list: Fantastic Mr. Fox. Looks like I was attracted to the comeback stories this year. After producing movies for a few years with diminishing returns, Wes Anderson returns to form with this funny and wistful adaptation of the Roald Dahl story. Anderson loads the Mr. Fox’s journey with subtext and mature heart, while keeping the comedy clean for the kids. I can’t say how well it succeeds as family-oriented entertainment, but as an adult, it’s utterly fantastic.

Antichrist

Ah, Lars von Trier, you wacky prankster. Who else would combine graphic genital mutilation, talking foxes and a dedication to Andrei Tarkovsky to make a grisly arthouse splatter movie that had audiences at Cannes feinting and critics violently leveling charges of misogyny? The controversy surrounding Antichrist — and yes, it’s definitely a grueling film to watch — tended to obscure the real beauty of it. For me, this was the most terrifying horror movie of the year; not for the notorious elements but for the psychological menace it exerted — which is the scariest thing of all. Though sequences in the movie seem to tumble from nightmare, von Trier seems most to identify with his female protagonist (Charlotte Gainsbourg, in an electrifying and frightening turn) and her journey through depression at the mercy of her arrogant, foolish husband (Willem Dafoe). Then again, there’s always a sense of mischief behind all of von Trier’s scenes. I think John Waters, no stranger to shock, put it nicely: “If Ingmar Bergman had committed suicide, gone to hell, and come back to earth to direct an exploitation/art film for drive-ins, this is the movie he would have made.”

Coraline

It was so great to see that, in a year saturated with 3-D CGI, the two best animated films — Fantastic Mr. Fox and Coraline — were rendered in meticulous stop-frame wonder, proving that the old art still has the ability to enchant. Where Wes Anderson celebrated the form in its archaic glory, Henry Selick — who was originally set to direct Mr. Fox — made use of digital and 3-D for Coraline; yet these aspects only served to enhance what is an intricately realized stop-motion world. Selick’s detail in set and character design is just splendid — from the button-eyes sewn into the simulacrums of Coraline’s “other” world to a flying grasshopper mechanoid — and his expansion of Neil Gaiman’s story actually widens the scope for our own imagination, rather than overstuffing it with movie set pieces. Of course, if the movie had simply consisted of the jumping mouse circus for 90 minutes straight, it still would’ve been my favorite.

Moon

It’s always nice when things take you by surprise. So many millions of online column inches precede the release of a Star Trek or a Terminator that the resulting film will either be the very movie you’d hoped for or, more likely, it’ll disappoint you entirely. When you don’t know what you’re going to get before you sit down in a darkened theatre, you can never be disappointed and are often pleasantly surprised. Moon offered the latter. Who knew that a low-budget Brit indie could not only prove to be one of the year’s best movies, but that it could compete in its genre with the best from Hollywood? Only Star Trek came close to being as impressive. The greatest science-fiction stories work because they’re set in a wholly believable universe, one that you are convinced lives and breathes even outside of the realms of the particular tale you’re watching. Think Star Wars, Blade Runner and, indeed, Star Trek. Moon does just this – despite setting itself on a lonely moon base and revolving only around one character and his smiley-faced robot, it’s fully-formed enough to give you a flavour of the grander universe and make the journey of the film’s lead actually mean something. Director Duncan Jones and producer Stuart Fenegan have promised us more within the same universe in a follow-up called Mute – I can’t wait.

Le Donk & Scor-zay-zee

Shane Meadows isn’t known for his comedy. While there may be laughs in like likes of A Room For Romeo Brass and Somers Town, his forte is in those films’ emotional core and in the gritty drama of the likes of This is England and Dead Man’s Shoes. But Donk, a hapless roadie whose delusions of grandeur have convinced him of his musical genius, has been around for years as a sideshow character created in little shorts Meadows made with his star, Paddy Considine. The film follows Donk and his latest musical prodigy, a rapper named Scor-zay-zee, as they try to find a space on the bill at an Arctic Monkeys gig. The brilliance of the film is in the paper thin line between life and fantasy – Scor-zay-zee is a real rapper and Shane Meadows appears in the film as himself, directing a documentary following Donk. Likewise, the Arctic Monkeys gig is real, and it’s no spoiler to share that Scorz does get his moment on stage in front of 50,000 fans. Shot in five days on a miniscule budget, Le Donk is one of the year’s most brilliant comedies, and anyone outside of the UK would do well to find a multi-region DVD player and import a copy – it deserves to be a huge cult favourite.

Zombieland

I wasn’t entirely prepared for what Zombieland would be like. I had some idea, of course, that it was going to be a sort of wry look at zombie movies, and that there would be a healthy dose of comedy tossed in. And maybe because I had been disappointed by the 2009 release calendar in general, I was aching for something to wow me and get me really excited. Suffice it to say, I had an absolute blast watching this movie. From the opening credits to the final climactic sequence, I can’t remember the last time I had this much pure FUN at the theater. I don’t know that there’s necessarily any deeper messages to take away from Zombieland, or that there’s anything groundbreaking or worthy of study in any cinema classes, but when it comes down to well-crafted entertainment, Ruben Fleischer has put together an exhilarating, hilarious, action-packed, and, in some ways, cathartic little film here. When Woody Harrelson grabbed onto a tilt-a-whirl with one hand and began blasting zombies with the uzi in his other hand, I couldn’t help but smile and enjoy the ride. Fleischer’s off to a great start here, and I’ll most definitely be on the lookout for any future projects from him.

The Hurt Locker

Working here at RT, one is introduced to all sorts of films that the average moviegoer might never see (or even hear about, for that matter), and every once in a while, one of those small, independent films manages to break out of its shell and make the world take notice. This sleeper hit first caught my attention when it began receiving the highest praise from critics everywhere, and by the time I finally got around to seeing it, The Hurt Locker had already moved into second-run theaters. I have to say, even with all the acclaim lavished upon the film, I was not disappointed. Kathryn Bigelow does a magnificent job maintaining an incredible amount of tension throughout the movie (the only other film I saw this year that matched this feat was Inglourious Basterds) without resorting to cheap thrills, and Jeremy Renner offers what I feel to be a strong contender for the breakout performance of the year (too bad his TV show, The Unusuals, didn’t fare as well — I rather liked it). For a “war movie,” The Hurt Locker has relatively few explosions and all-out firefights; instead, its strongest sequences come in the form of those quiet moments of tense ambiguity, when the viewer is aware something could happen. And those moments are sublimely executed.

Up in the Air

I’ll be the first to admit that I have hyped myself out of many a “good movie.” So when I bought tickets to see Up in the Air right after it won Best Feature from the National Board of Review, I went into my local Cineramadome a bit skeptical. I sat. I watched. And I loved. After watching the perfectly cast and brilliant performances by George Clooney (whose character I related to in a variety of ways…and we are often mistaken for one another by strangers), Vera Farmiga, and one of my new dreamboats Anna Kendrick, in a film about how we all experience emotion, I got it. Up in the Air lived up to the hype. The story was unique. The characters mattered. And though I saw the end coming, being along for the very human, very real ride made Up in the Air my favorite movie of the year.

Star Trek

J.J. Abrams’ Star Trek completely flipped the cool factor of the question, “Dude, did you see Star Trek?” While most of the people who helped Star Trek make out like bandits at the box office likely wouldn’t necessarily identify themselves as Trekkies, for two hours and seven minutes, I certainly was one, despite my resistance to my brother’s Star Trek fandom growing up. The action sequences were CGI eye candy, and James T. Kirk’s (Chris Pine) origin story was compelling enough for a Star Trek novice like me to pick up on the fun references. Whether by design or not, seeing Kirk as someone who was more like me, instead of a neighbor’s cool dad, transformed how I understood his character and made me appreciate what I knew of the series even more. And I would be remiss not to mention that I was proud to see that in the future, a young Asian male (John Cho) is entrusted with the keys to the dopest ride in town (that town being Space: The Final Frontier). Though it was your inspiration that started the movement, Hikaru Sulu, I will help lay the foundations for you here in the past to crush stereotypes in the future.

The Hangover

Yeah, we’ve seen raunchy comedies about men behaving badly before — quite a number of them this decade, actually, and a few from director Todd Phillips — but few of them have been as consistently funny as The Hangover, and none of them have raked in the kind of record-setting cash generated by this sun-baked tale of three groomsmen who lose their groom after a wild night in Vegas. What sets Hangover apart isn’t just that it’s loads of laughs, but that its leads’ comedic styles mesh so beautifully. From Zach Galifianakis’ insane non sequitirs to Ed Helms’ uptight doofus to Bradley Cooper’s unctuous emotional adolescent, the movie is a veritable comedy buffet — and when you toss in Ken Jeong as an effeminate, occasionally naked gangster, well…The Hangover 2 can’t come quickly enough, can it?

Food, Inc.

From Fast Food Nation to In Defense of Food, Americans have spent the aughts taking more of an active interest in what they eat than they have for generations — and if you’ve read either of those books, Robert Kenner’s Food, Inc. won’t tell you much you don’t already know. Then again, neither of those books make their arguments with 94 minutes of snazzy graphics, concise interviews, and revolting film clips drawn from across the agribusiness spectrum. There’s just something about seeing it all unfold on the screen — something Eric Schlosser and Michael Pollan, authors of the aforementioned books, must understand, seeing as how they both appear in Food, Inc. Whether or not you subscribe to any of the many burgeoning food movements that have gained prominence over the last decade, this documentary makes a compelling case for doing something we’ve gotten used to believing we didn’t have to do: thinking about where our food comes from.

Treeless Mountain

This almost dialogue-free, South Korean/American Coproduction by So Young Kim (In Between Days) could have been the pin-drop heard around the world-instead it’s largely unsung, even though it was showcased by A.O. Scott in his fantastic piece on New Neo-Realism. About two sisters (6 and 4 years old) who’s mother goes on a search for their absentee father and leaves them in the custody of Dickensian family members, the film evokes the viewer’s own perspective of childhood in all its gauzy, gorgeous horror. And while all that sounds rough (and it surely is), these girls’ version of “growing up,” which in an American film might have been a tragically bittersweet development, in this film looks like the most hopeful and joyous thing that any young person could ever concede to. I cried like the children I wish those girls had the luxury to be.

Precious: Based on the Novel “Push” by Sapphire

A melodrama in social-realist clothing, Precious is based on a novel that’s written largely in phonetic near-English, but director Lee Daniel’s film adaptation aims at such a neutral narration Daniel’s tragic tenement story leaves nothing for us to decipher at all. We spend most of the movie holding our breath hoping Precious (Gaby Sibide), an overweight, illiterate, pregnant, 16 year old, survives the horror movie madness that surrounds her. The lunatics, drug addicts and abusive parents that endanger her are as epic as super-hero menaces but the only superpowers Precious’ has at her disposal reside in the alternate reality she escapes to when she’s brutalized-escape from this vision of 80’s NY seems imaginary until it grows clearer that Precious’ strongest weapon is her budding self-worth. Like Treeless Mountain this is a film about surviving youth to reach a hopeful passage into adulthood, and this adulthood is one that changes the landscape in as many ways visible as invisible.

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They’re the rags that really put out in a big way this year, showing off the finest female specimens from around the world, sometimes naked, other times in trench coats, other times in ink (like this July 2009 cover of Bar Refaeli covered in Stephen King’s dirty words), but always looking hotter than a fireplace in hell.

Keep reading for our full rundown of the sexiest magazine covers of 2009, and feel free to stare.

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Jude Law got snapped sunbathing nude in France in his mother’s backyard. Guess she’d already seen it, but now the whole world has. The photo was unfair, yes. But everyone gawked at the image on the internet before he tried to enforce the law.

Who doesn’t want a peak at Prince William’s royal jewels? Well, a shot of his scepter was snapped while he was peeing in the grass at a polo match. Looks like the paps took him for a ride!

Pete Wentz took some dirty cell phone pics of his ding-a-ling. They got leaked on the net. And this solo shot got better press than his band, Fall Out Boy.

Cassie, who made a name for herself by diddling P. Diddy, was banned from joining Danity Kane when nude photos of her became public. But Cassie tweeted it wasn’t her fault her twat was on the web, “Someone has hacked into my computer … that’s real foul. Now, stop acting like you haven’t seen a titty before.”  D. Woods, formerly of Danity Kane, retorted, “Cassie gonna sell some albums this round.” Boob-ya!

During the Super Bowl half-time show in 2004, Justin Timberlake ripped off a piece of Janet Jackson’s bra and we all saw nipple. It didn’t matter who won the game, Janet Jackson and CBS became big losers thanks to “Nipplegate.” Supposedly it was a “wardrobe malfunction,” but the FCC slapped ‘em with a half a million dollar fine and poor Janet, Miss Jackson if you’re nasty, was shamed. Truth be told, we thought it was hot, girl!

Rihanna knows how to rock clothes, but of course she still looks slammin’ without them. Unforch, she never meant for us to know that.  No thanks to one of her exes, nakey photos of her hit the net last May. Now, we’ll just have to settle for photos she releases of the not-so intimate places she’s tattooed.

Who could forget actor Channing Tatum’s stripper video? Shake it like a Polaroid picture, or actually, a digital video.

Miley Cyrus, nude, but covered up in a sheet epic scadaloso! Shot by renowned and brokey broke photog Annie Liebovitz, the photo revealed the sex cat inside the lil’ kid star kitten. From there, Miley was onto stripper poles. Rawr!

Another Disney star, Adrienne Bailon, took some shots of her wonderland for ex-fiancé Robert Kardashian. Back in November, the Cheetah Girl’s laptop got stolen at JFK airport. Although she paid a reward to get her computer back, the sexy shots were ripped right off her hard drive and posted for the whole interweb to see. Her lawyers have since forced the sites to take the leaked pic of her bare badonkadonk down. After all, some things shouldn’t fly at an airport.

Sexting got taken to a whole new sad, sexist level when two Seattle cheerleaders were harshly punished for nude photos of them that boys passed around the whole school. As if the exposure and ridicule weren’t bad enough, they were suspended, one for one month, the other for a year! As one of the mothers pointed out, “If she had been caught taking illegal drugs twice, she would not have been punished this severely.” On the other hand, the boys responsible for spreading the naked shots got off without even a slap on the wrist. WTF?!  While it’s not illegal to take pictures of yourself in the buff, it is illegal to distribute child porn.

Homophobic beauty queen Carrie Preejan is as fake as her tan and the titties Donald Trump bought her. After claiming gay marriage is abhorrent, her own pornographic photos and videos started surfacing. We’ll get to the videos later, but suffice it to say you can take your pick of tawdry pics of the former Miss California. Here she comes, almost Miss America! Seriously, we’re just waiting for girl-on-girl makeout photos to leak.

Tiger Woods’ hole in one, er, mistress, Jaimee Grubbs, had some naked shots surface of her after she said they had relations. She timed the shots perfectly with her 15 minutes of fame, and the world pretended to be shocked for an extra minute.

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Sometimes it can be hard to tell what’s going on with your girl: Is she enjoying herself? Are you doing it right? Is she satisfied? Women can be hard to read, especially when it comes to sex. Though, all in all, if she is getting off you are bound to know about it on some level. If you’re not so sure and need some reassurance, check out her more subtle signs — her sexual body language.

She will show you — hopefully in no uncertain terms — how you’re performing. Her body will display some overall signs of arousal that she can’t fake, but remember every woman is different. So, yes, it can often be just as difficult to get nonverbal feedback on your performance when there are so many variables. So, we’ve put together some general sexual body language signs that she’s getting exactly what she wants from you.

Rapid breathing

Our breath when resting is a very peaceful and tranquil movement of air in and out of our lungs. It has the delightful title of “inspiration” for breathing in, and “expiration” for breathing out. When a woman is turned on, however, this breath comes in urgent puffs and probably has some involuntary moans escape with it as the air is forced quickly past her vocal cords. The increase in heart rate when her body prepares for orgasm means her internal organs and muscles are demanding more oxygen. If you can hear her breath change, you’re on the right track. If you can feel her heart thumping, you’re well on your way. This is her sexual body language giving you signals that she’s aroused. However, if she’s breathing normally after having her “big orgasm,” perhaps she’s a big faker.

General writhing around and body movement

If your girl is curling her toes and writhing against you, chances are she’s probably enjoying herself. Grinding and pushing against you means that she’s really getting into it. If she’s lying there limp, then things probably aren’t happening for her. Try changing positions, or stop entering her and warm her up from the beginning with your mouth or hands and see how her sexual body language progresses from there.

Thrusting hips

When she meets your thrusts, you’re doing something right. It’s pretty safe to say that if she’s matching your body movements and is in time with you, then she’s getting something out of it. Good sex is often very synchronized, as that is how our bodies are designed to produce orgasm; repeated movements in the right spot build to a climaxing. The trouble is finding the right spot, of which there are many. If she isn’t meeting your thrusts then her sexual body language is telling you that she wants something else, so change positions and see how she responds.

Reading her sexual body language means increased pleasure for both of you…

Arms splayed out

If she’s holding herself close she may not be feeling wild abandon — her arms may be around you, her hands may be on your chest, above your head, wherever, except they’re being held in close to her own body. If she’s on top she may need her arms to maneuver herself and give herself some leverage to get the best angle. This is certainly not a definitive gesture, but can be useful. Her body should be responding to the situation at hand. She shouldn’t be worried about covering herself up or where her arms are. If her arms are stretched wide, either held out to the side or splayed out on the bed sheets, you can bet her sexual body language is telling you you’re right where you need to be and she’s comfortable (and enjoying the ride).

Vaginal muscle movement

You have one of your most sensitive parts inside one of her most sensitive parts — with each movement inside of her you can feel the walls of her vagina, the muscles and flesh. The vaginal wall is an incredibly strong muscle and she will probably use this to some extent for her own pleasure during sex. You may also feel the contracting and relaxing during orgasm — her vagina spasms and this will clench you to some degree — but not always, so don’t use that as a benchmark. Some women do have great control, and those who do are likely to have better sex and orgasms in general. If you don’t feel any clenching, don’t panic. You may know already by the feel of her vagina when she’s not far away from orgasm — she may let you enter further, or the overall sensation may be “just right” for you both. Only you can tell, so pay careful attention to her sexual body language and what’s going on inside of her.

learn the language of lovin’

Women love sex as much as men do, but what’s sometimes missing is the self-knowledge, and of course a skilled partner who brings out the erotic best in himself and her. If you’re unsure as to whether your lover is enjoying herself during sex, there is a need for more investigation. Communicate verbally and non-verbally; ask her what she wants you to do, carefully watch and listen to her responses to what you’re doing and don’t assume that what worked for your other girlfriends is going to work for her. Every woman (and man) has different tastes and won’t necessarily respond to the same touches, so try a few different things and don’t stick to a routine. Experiment, tease, tantalize, change positions. When you hear her moan, you’ll know you’ve hit just the right spot, so don’t stop there.

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No.10 – Speak in a sexy way

Think you can turn a woman on with a high-pitched, squeaky voice? Think again. Women pay more attention to your tone of voice than to the words you speak. When you flirt with a woman in a sexual way, work on improving your delivery. Speak slowly, hold eye contact, deepen your voice, and pause. Be careful not to be overly dramatic and cheesy; think James Bond, not Austin Powers. These style-points help you convey powerful sexual undertones in your communications with women and they will help you build attraction and sexual tension fast.

No.9 – Accuse her of being the aggressor

One of the best ways to get the fun started is to accuse a woman of trying to seduce you. For example, if she mentions something about her house, such as: “I just moved into a new place” or “Do you know how to install a wireless router?” you should say: “Wow, you are trying to get me to come over to your house already? I’m not surprised.” Women love it when you do this. Don’t be surprised if she really does try to get you to come over soon after.

No.8 – Show her you’re a stud

Women want men who know how to please them, but you can’t come right out and say: “I’m a great lover.” Instead, use sexual innuendo to indirectly convey this message. For example, say you are at your place making a drink for a woman and she says: “Wow, you’re good at that.” Look her square in the eye and say: “I’m good at a lot of things.” She’ll get the hint that you’re a stud and be dying to find out more.

No.7 – Get her to “use you”

Women accuse men of using them for sex all the time, so why not turn the tables? The next time you do something considerate for a woman, tell her: “So, you’re using me already… next thing I know you’ll be trying to use me for other things as well.” She’ll find this role-reversal hilarious and it’s a great way to bring up the topic of sex in a safe, fun and non-threatening way.

No.6 – Make “boring” conversation sexy

When most men first meet a woman, they ask her typical, boring questions like: “Where are you from?” and “What do you do for work?” Women usually hate it when guys do this, but you can set yourself apart by using these drab questions to turn things sexual, quickly. For example, when you find out a woman is from, say, Spain, you can say to her: “Hmm, you know what they say about women from Spain, don’t you?” Then let your sly smile and rock-solid eye contact suggest that you know Spanish women are, well, let’s just say a lot of fun.

No.5 – Bring sex into the situation

A great way to flirt sexually with a woman is to compare some of your “outside the bedroom” activities to what goes on inside the bedroom. For example, let’s say you get a woman a cup of tea; you can follow up by saying: “Looks like you’re on the receiving end today. Do you always receive or do you like to give at times too?” Crack a slight smile and she will know exactly what you are talking about.

No.4 – Pay her back

Let’s say a woman does something nice for you and then teases you by saying: “That’s OK; you can pay me back later.” Why not make the currency sexual? Say something like: “Pay you back? Hmm, I’m short on cash right now. Do you have any creative payment options in mind?”

No.3 – Tell her she’s naughty

Another fun way to tease a woman in a sexual way is to accuse her of being “naughty” in her everyday activities. For example, if a woman tells you she was just in the shower, ask her how it was. If she gives any positive response, reply with something like: “Nice shower? Interesting. What exactly were you doing in there that made it so nice? I’m curious.”

No.2 – Let her know you know

Want to know a secret about female sexuality that 99% of men don’t know? Here it is: Many women feel compelled to vacuum their house when they’re ovulating. Some experts believe it has something to do with wanting to “clean the nest” before laying her “egg.” So, when a woman tells you she is vacuuming, say: “Vacuuming? Are you ovulating or something?” She’ll be stunned that you know this and wonder what else you know about female sexuality. Of course, if she doesn’t know what you mean, fill her in. Women love it when you teach them something new — especially about themselves.

No.1 – Find the double-meanings

The English language is literally packed with words you can twist around to create sexual meanings. Wet, juicy, hard, fast, hot — the possibilities are endless. For example, if she says her drink is big, you can reply with something like: “Big can be a good thing, don’t you think?” You’ll be surprised how easy it is to add a bit of sexuality to everyday conversations once you start looking for opportunities.

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Whether you fulfill your resolutions or not is neither here nor there, the important thing is that you: 1) Understand that there may be problems you haven’t addressed until now; and, 2) Want to improve yourself and your life — in this case, your sex life. Nothing has to be wrong in your sex life to use these ideas. In fact, you don’t even have to wait until 2009. Why not start now?

Start with No.10

No.10 – Learn some of the Kama Sutra with your partner

The Kama Sutra may be the oldest love, sex and spiritual guide in existence. The sex chapter has often been plucked out and circulated on the internet, in books and on DVD’s, and as a result most people presume it’s the entire text — it is not. The book is about the communication, the settings and the behavior involved in sex and relationships, as well as techniques and other useful advice on poses, kissing and touching. Western and modern, it is not. Generally helpful and appropriate to all adult human beings, it is.

No.9 – Revisit stuff you don’t like doing

If you don’t like going down on your girl, try again. Find out exactly what it is that bothers you, and see if you can get the hell over it. Keep in mind, though, the same goes for her. Is there something she is squeamish about? Try again with a focus on getting over it.

No.8 – Write a sexual to-do list

You and your partner can set the timetable — once a month, once a week or whenever suits you — to go ahead and make a sexual to-do list happen. Bargaining and bribery also works wonders here: That nasty fantasy you have can be made a reality by doing a swap with your girl for something that she wants to do.

No.7 – Spend more time on foreplay

This point is given out countless times, but insufficient foreplay is still women’s greatest complaint when it comes to sex. It is a fact that women who get at least 20 minutes of foreplay are 80% more likely to have an orgasm. Let’s look at that fact another way: 80% of women who get less than 20 minutes of foreplay do not have an orgasm — don’t let your lover be one of them.

No.6 – Play sex games

Games are a fun way to change the way you make love (at least for one night). Just get a bottle of wine, bring out the games and get into it; they are fun, sexy and different. Games also encourage good communication and the disclosure of sexy secrets.

No.5 – Use costumes

Sexy costumes are a great way to create a fun evening at home (or at an appropriately themed event). Simply tailor the costumes to suit yourselves and your resources.

No.4 – Go on an adventurous date

Get some fresh air into your lungs and feel exhilarated by something you don’t normally do: skinny-dipping, mountain-climbing, parachute-jumping or an enthralling hot air balloon ride. Excitement isn’t always expensive, so look locally and find something interesting.

No.3 – Overcome your sexual fears

If there is anything you or your mate wants to try that makes either of you break out in a cold sweat, feel the fear and try it anyway. There is nothing as liberating as being terrified of something and overcoming it.

No.2 – Break one of your own taboos

This resolution regards any rules or taboos you and/or your lover have imposed on yourselves regarding sex. Be it sex in public, sex at the in-laws/parents, anal sex, oral sex or any other thing that is a ”rule” which is just “there,” make 2009 the year to break it.

No.1 – Communicate better and more regularly with your partner

This resolution seems basic, but, in fact, it could be the most important ingredient to a good sex life. When is the last time you discussed sex with your partner?

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For movie fans, the Academy Awards are kind of like the Superbowl. But unlike the Superbowl, when it comes to the Oscars it hasn’t always been an even playing field. In the world of sports it all seems so simple: if you win, you get a spot in the championships. But in the world of movies, sometimes the films that are the most loved by audiences (or critics) are overlooked by Academy members because of a long-standing prejudice against blockbusters, or because they’re labeled as “genre fare”. But, a recent article in Variety has suggested that sci-films (which have traditionally been relegated to the tech categories) could finally be earning some respect as Best Picture contenders. For some time now, there has been a complaint that the Academy has lost touch with modern films, and that the members still suffer from a touch of snobbery when it comes to what makes a film worthy of consideration for that little golden man.

But things are changing, and with 10 spots open for Best Picture nods there is a chance that this year maybe it won’t be the same old movies making it into the winners circle. Sci-fi is more popular than ever before, and in 2009, some of the best reviewed flicks were genre films. But until those nominations are announced, we can only speculate, so I decided to put forth my suggestions for sci-fi films that I think have earned a shot at an Oscar. Now before we get started, keep in mind that I’m not saying these films should win an Oscar, just that they deserve a shot.

After the jump: My 5 suggestions for sci-fi Oscar contenders….

MOON

Why it could be nominated: If the Academy wanted to honor a sci-fi film that isn’t packed with lasers and explosions, then look no further than Duncan Jones’ Moon. The film was a huge hit with critics and fans, and brought back the notion of ’serious’ sci-fi and even earned comparisons to Kubrick’s 2001. Not to mention, it isn’t easy to carry a film, but Sam Rockwell’s performance as the lunar technician was a standout this year.

AVATAR

Why it could be nominated: It may be a little early in the game, but James Cameron’s 3D opus has what it takes to be a big winner at this year’s festivities — and not just in the technical achievements either. The buzz for the film is already in overdrive and Cameron has proven before that he can wow the Academy. After all, if ‘popcorn epics’ like Gladiator and Braveheart can walk away with the gold, why not the Na’vi?

DISTRICT  9

Why it could be nominated: Hollywood loves the story of the ‘little film that could’, and there was no better feel-good story than Neil Blomkamp’s rise from obscure short-filmmaker to helming one of the biggest (and best reviewed) hits of the summer season.

STAR TREK

Why it could be nominated: Not only did J. J. Abrams make one of the best sci-fi action films in recent history, he did the impossible: he pleased novices and Trek fans alike, and if that doesn’t earn the man a nod, I don’t know what could.

THE ROAD

Why it could be nominated: Like Moon, this flick proved that sci-fi can be as dramatic and harrowing as any typical ‘best picture’ hopeful. Plus, once you throw in the literary pedigree and the Oscar nominated (and winning) cast, you’ve got an ideal candidate for the gold.

So what do you think — could a sci-fi film walk away with Best Picture, or is the Academy too set in their ways to let a different kind of movie into the winners circle? Sound off below…

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‘Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen‘

Okay, we don’t expect a lot from this franchise beyond cool CGI smash-’em-up robots, Megan Fox in a tank top and, um, did we mention the smash-’em-up robots? But even going in with admittedly low standards, we were awestruck at just how stinky this stinker really was. You wouldn’t expect to have problems following the plot of a movie about robots, and yet this story was so clearly stuck together after director Michael Bay came up with his ideas for what would look cool to blow up and stomp on we kinda wish he’d done what he obviously wanted to do — just shoot images of cool stuff getting smashed with the occasional shot of Fox leaning over. At least then we wouldn’t have had to watch her “act.”

‘The Lovely Bones’

Admittedly, everyone knew the book by Alice Sebold would be tough to adapt. Starting off with the grisly rape and murder of a 14-year-old girl, the best-seller wasn’t exactly summer blockbuster material. But who better to take on such dark subject matter than director Peter Jackson? While guys might know him for ‘The Lord of the Rings,’ indie film fans still can’t shake their memories of ‘Heavenly Creatures,’ the searing based-on-a-true-story drama about two murderous teenage girls. But instead of tackling the tough stuff in ‘Bones,’ Jackson sidesteps the trauma, admitting that he wanted to make a movie his teenage daughter could see. Huh? No wonder ‘The New Yorker’ called the end result “redundant and undramatic.”

‘The Invention of Lying’

On the small screen, Ricky Gervais can do no wrong. He created ‘The Office’ and ‘Extras,’ for crying out loud. And, even though ‘Ghost Town’ was so-so at best, we still had high hopes that Gervais would be able to bring his sharp-edged wit to this comedy about a world in which everyone is unflinchingly honest. After all, the trailer, featuring Jennifer Garner as Gervais’ deeply disappointed blind date, was screamingly funny. And so were the first 15 minutes of the movie. Unfortunately, the film kept ambling predictably along, getting cuddlier with every passing minute. While Gervais seems happy to make us squirm watching the foibles of his flawed characters on TV, on the big screen he seems incapable of coming across as anything other than a pretty nice guy. And if that’s what we wanted, we’d rent a Tim Allen movie.

‘Did You Hear About The Morgans?’

Every romantic comedy junkie knows that Hugh Grant and Sarah Jessica Parker are possibly the king and queen of the genre. Too bad that they go together about as well as a tuna and chocolate sandwich. Still, even the cutest couple would be hard pressed to save what has to be one of the corniest concepts around — two urbanites on the brink of divorce are forced to relocate to Wyoming after witnessing a murder and — gollllleeee! — don’t they just patch things up real nice after being exposed to the wide open spaces and abundant mayonnaise? Darn tootin’! Insulting to the flyover states and perfectly predictable, we certainly wish we’d never heard about ‘The Morgans.’

‘X-Men Origins: Wolverine’

Hugh Jackman works the extra-long sideburns and wife-beater T-shirt better than anyone we know. And Liev Schreiber as his resentful half-brother? Perfection. But origin stories are often a suspense-free snore, and this one lacks the character development that’s usually the bonus for sitting through a movie in which we know Wolverine will turn out just fine. Instead, we get lots of pointless action scenes and a jarring ending featuring appearances by X-Men Cyclops and Sabretooth — but played by other actors than James Marsden and Tyler Mane. Call it revisionist pre-history, but we could have waited for this one on cable.

‘Land of the Lost’

Sometimes great remakes can come from pretty crappy source material (’Oceans Eleven,’ anyone?). This would not be one of those. The 1974 TV series was a gleefully silly adventure in low-budget Saturday morning entertainment for kids. The resulting movie is … well, a mess. Too bawdy for kids, too silly for adults, it’s a weird mishmash of ‘Chorus Line’ jokes (yeah, that’s one the kids are gonna get), dinosaurs and sexual aggressive prehistoric men. Will Ferrell, we expect better from you.

‘Public Enemies’

We’ll watch Johnny Depp and Christian Bale read the phone book any day, no problem. Too bad this movie looks like someone dipped it in coffee grounds, left it out to dry and then stomped on it a few times. We get the sepia tones, but the jarringly modern shaky camera thing just made us want to throw up. And then there’s the little issue of Dillinger being a guy who robs banks. Period. Even Depp couldn’t make this character more than a head-scratching one liner. If director Michael Mann wants us to sit quietly in our seats for 140 minutes, we need a little more to go on than that.

‘Whatever Works’

Sure, we’d about given up on Woody Allen making another good film until last year, when he surprised us by hitting a solid single with ‘Vicky Cristina Barcelona.’ So yeah, we got our hopes up. After all, with king curmudgeon Larry David filling in as Allen’s cranky doppelganger this time around, ‘Works’ seemed like it just might, well, work. It doesn’t. It really, really doesn’t. Yet again, Allen has to skeeve us out with a May-December romance that borders on the puke-inducing (Evan Rachel Wood and Larry David? Ewww!), bore us with a hackneyed plot and suggest that anyone who doesn’t live in New York is a boob who’ll only blossom once he gets to Manhattan. Fail.

‘Where the Wild Things Are’

We love Spike Jonze. We love Maurice Sendak’s classic children’s book. We love Catherine Keener. We loved the amazing trailer, set to the Arcade Fire’s ‘Wake Up.’ There was no way we weren’t going to love this movie. And yet, we didn’t. Call us crazy, but we never pictured the Wild Things as having mental health problems. One is manic depressive, another is bitterly narcissistic, and let’s not even get into Things suffering from what seems to be post traumatic stress disorder. These Wild Things may look all crazy cuddly and fun, but let’s face it — each one is a big, stinking drag. Add to that the fact that Max is pretty much a mom-biting brat on screen and it’s hard not to want to bitch-slap Jonze and over-hyped collaborator Dave Eggers for ruining our childhood memories.

‘Bride Wars’

Sure, Kate Hudson has starred in an endless string of stinkers since ‘Almost Famous,’ but that doesn’t mean we don’t still love her a little. Put her head-to-head with Anne Hathaway (who wowed us last year with ‘Rachel Getting Married’), add bridezilla tension, and we’re thinking this could be a fun excuse to pack away some popcorn on a Saturday afternoon. But in truth, seeing two intelligent, successful best friends turn on each other like maniac preschoolers fighting over who gets the better Barbie is just depressing.

Honorable Mention: ‘Watchmen’

Actually, we kinda liked ‘Watchmen.’ But the truth was, we never expected anyone to bring Alan Moore’s brilliant graphic novels to the screen, much less live up to the source material, so our bar was set pretty low. And in truth, it’s a mixed bag. The movie gets bogged down in exposition, yet never delivers quite enough for viewers who haven’t read the comic series; it’s damn long (161 minutes) but, even so, too short for devoted fans; and it’s got at least one laughably bad love scene. It can also be argued that, taken out of its late ’80s setting, the movie no longer holds much of a political punch. Still, even a deeply flawed ‘Watchmen’ was better than most of the stuff clogging up the cineplex, so we’ll just leave this one on the honorable mention list.

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