Did you know that talking about sex with a woman can be the first step to actually having it? Unfortunately, most guys screw up big time when they try to turn a conversation in that direction and they end up coming across as “creepy” or “clueless.” The solution here is to learn the ways to flirt with a woman sexually. Here are 10 tips to help you do it.

No.10 – Speak in a sexy way

Think you can turn a woman on with a high-pitched, squeaky voice? Think again. Women pay more attention to your tone of voice than to the words you speak. When you flirt with a woman in a sexual way, work on improving your delivery. Speak slowly, hold eye contact, deepen your voice, and pause. Be careful not to be overly dramatic and cheesy; think James Bond, not Austin Powers. These style-points help you convey powerful sexual undertones in your communications with women and they will help you build attraction and sexual tension fast.

No.9 – Accuse her of being the aggressor

One of the best ways to get the fun started is to accuse a woman of trying to seduce you. For example, if she mentions something about her house, such as: “I just moved into a new place” or “Do you know how to install a wireless router?” you should say: “Wow, you are trying to get me to come over to your house already? I’m not surprised.” Women love it when you do this. Don’t be surprised if she really does try to get you to come over soon after.

No.8 – Show her you’re a stud

Women want men who know how to please them, but you can’t come right out and say: “I’m a great lover.” Instead, use sexual innuendo to indirectly convey this message. For example, say you are at your place making a drink for a woman and she says: “Wow, you’re good at that.” Look her square in the eye and say: “I’m good at a lot of things.” She’ll get the hint that you’re a stud and be dying to find out more.

No.7 – Get her to “use you”

Women accuse men of using them for sex all the time, so why not turn the tables? The next time you do something considerate for a woman, tell her: “So, you’re using me already… next thing I know you’ll be trying to use me for other things as well.” She’ll find this role-reversal hilarious and it’s a great way to bring up the topic of sex in a safe, fun and non-threatening way.

No.6 – Make “boring” conversation sexy

When most men first meet a woman, they ask her typical, boring questions like: “Where are you from?” and “What do you do for work?” Women usually hate it when guys do this, but you can set yourself apart by using these drab questions to turn things sexual, quickly. For example, when you find out a woman is from, say, Spain, you can say to her: “Hmm, you know what they say about women from Spain, don’t you?” Then let your sly smile and rock-solid eye contact suggest that you know Spanish women are, well, let’s just say a lot of fun.

No.5 – Bring sex into the situation

A great way to flirt sexually with a woman is to compare some of your “outside the bedroom” activities to what goes on inside the bedroom. For example, let’s say you get a woman a cup of tea; you can follow up by saying: “Looks like you’re on the receiving end today. Do you always receive or do you like to give at times too?” Crack a slight smile and she will know exactly what you are talking about.

No.4 – Pay her back

Let’s say a woman does something nice for you and then teases you by saying: “That’s OK; you can pay me back later.” Why not make the currency sexual? Say something like: “Pay you back? Hmm, I’m short on cash right now. Do you have any creative payment options in mind?”

No.3 – Tell her she’s naughty

Another fun way to tease a woman in a sexual way is to accuse her of being “naughty” in her everyday activities. For example, if a woman tells you she was just in the shower, ask her how it was. If she gives any positive response, reply with something like: “Nice shower? Interesting. What exactly were you doing in there that made it so nice? I’m curious.”

No.2 – Let her know you know

Want to know a secret about female sexuality that 99% of men don’t know? Here it is: Many women feel compelled to vacuum their house when they’re ovulating. Some experts believe it has something to do with wanting to “clean the nest” before laying her “egg.” So, when a woman tells you she is vacuuming, say: “Vacuuming? Are you ovulating or something?” She’ll be stunned that you know this and wonder what else you know about female sexuality. Of course, if she doesn’t know what you mean, fill her in. Women love it when you teach them something new — especially about themselves.

No.1 – Find the double-meanings

The English language is literally packed with words you can twist around to create sexual meanings. Wet, juicy, hard, fast, hot — the possibilities are endless. For example, if she says her drink is big, you can reply with something like: “Big can be a good thing, don’t you think?” You’ll be surprised how easy it is to add a bit of sexuality to everyday conversations once you start looking for opportunities.

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Every year, we make resolutions to try to ensure that we are sexier, richer and happier than the year before. Though these resolutions are very admirable, the small print says: “individual results may vary.”

Whether you fulfill your resolutions or not is neither here nor there, the important thing is that you: 1) Understand that there may be problems you haven’t addressed until now; and, 2) Want to improve yourself and your life — in this case, your sex life. Nothing has to be wrong in your sex life to use these ideas. In fact, you don’t even have to wait until 2009. Why not start now?

Start with No.10

No.10 – Learn some of the Kama Sutra with your partner

The Kama Sutra may be the oldest love, sex and spiritual guide in existence. The sex chapter has often been plucked out and circulated on the internet, in books and on DVD’s, and as a result most people presume it’s the entire text — it is not. The book is about the communication, the settings and the behavior involved in sex and relationships, as well as techniques and other useful advice on poses, kissing and touching. Western and modern, it is not. Generally helpful and appropriate to all adult human beings, it is.

No.9 – Revisit stuff you don’t like doing

If you don’t like going down on your girl, try again. Find out exactly what it is that bothers you, and see if you can get the hell over it. Keep in mind, though, the same goes for her. Is there something she is squeamish about? Try again with a focus on getting over it.

No.8 – Write a sexual to-do list

You and your partner can set the timetable — once a month, once a week or whenever suits you — to go ahead and make a sexual to-do list happen. Bargaining and bribery also works wonders here: That nasty fantasy you have can be made a reality by doing a swap with your girl for something that she wants to do.

No.7 – Spend more time on foreplay

This point is given out countless times, but insufficient foreplay is still women’s greatest complaint when it comes to sex. It is a fact that women who get at least 20 minutes of foreplay are 80% more likely to have an orgasm. Let’s look at that fact another way: 80% of women who get less than 20 minutes of foreplay do not have an orgasm — don’t let your lover be one of them.

No.6 – Play sex games

Games are a fun way to change the way you make love (at least for one night). Just get a bottle of wine, bring out the games and get into it; they are fun, sexy and different. Games also encourage good communication and the disclosure of sexy secrets.

No.5 – Use costumes

Sexy costumes are a great way to create a fun evening at home (or at an appropriately themed event). Simply tailor the costumes to suit yourselves and your resources.

No.4 – Go on an adventurous date

Get some fresh air into your lungs and feel exhilarated by something you don’t normally do: skinny-dipping, mountain-climbing, parachute-jumping or an enthralling hot air balloon ride. Excitement isn’t always expensive, so look locally and find something interesting.

No.3 – Overcome your sexual fears

If there is anything you or your mate wants to try that makes either of you break out in a cold sweat, feel the fear and try it anyway. There is nothing as liberating as being terrified of something and overcoming it.

No.2 – Break one of your own taboos

This resolution regards any rules or taboos you and/or your lover have imposed on yourselves regarding sex. Be it sex in public, sex at the in-laws/parents, anal sex, oral sex or any other thing that is a ”rule” which is just “there,” make 2009 the year to break it.

No.1 – Communicate better and more regularly with your partner

This resolution seems basic, but, in fact, it could be the most important ingredient to a good sex life. When is the last time you discussed sex with your partner?

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The main reason she does not call you back probably because you are doing something that doesn’t agree with her. You may be coming at the whole relationship from the traditional or according behavior, and this may be leading her to just drop you as soon a she can.

She has other men on hand who are ready to do many things for her and all she has to do is ask them. They will drive her around, fill her stomach, even by her things and all they get in return is a kiss on the cheek or a hug.

And all of that is if she wants to keep you around as one of her boy girlfriends. You will be categorized just like all of her other friends if you are even so lucky. All of this is stemming from the wrong frame of relationship in the first place.

It does not mean that you are the problem, you just have to meet her more on her terms and what she expects of a relationship. When you start courting her, she knows that she has the power anyways especially because of the actions you do to buy her attention.

This is really boring to her and she will often just not return your calls even if you are a nice guy with a lot to offer; purely because of the relationship approach that you took.

Dating dynamics have changed in our modern society. Being really traditional and expecting a woman to be interested in you when you take this approach which used to work ( but remember times have changed), is full of all kinds of expectations and is often too much pressure for her to handle even if you are a great catch. This is really why millions of American women are dumping great guys every day all over.

On the other hand, if you are starting the frame of the relationship on a different matter which may be more closer towards an accelerated mating process of attraction, there will be a lot less pressure when done correctly because the entire dynamics are naturally based and without heavy consequence.

When you take a woman out on a date she all of a sudden now senses she is obligated to do something in return because you have paid for her attention. Usually this is just letting you kiss her on the hand or a hug, and because she does not want to deal with all of the pressure of you following her around after she might decide to let you sleep with her.

As in the movie Swingers, when Mikey gets a girl’s number at the bar and then calls her immediately when he gets home, he is just oozing interest and a high level of expectation. This is a lot of pressure especially for a beautiful woman because she does not know if or when she will be able to get rid of you if she takes things further with you. This is the explanation of why most women will call you back.

They’re all also other reasons why she finally just isn’t interested in you any more due to her social persona or whatever. If you are in a 50-50 relationship she may resent that you have given her most of the power; this is how two of my American x-girlfriends have broken up with me; I led them just go ahead and have the power in the relationship with me just kind of going along with things.

And this led to the relationship’s demise. Usually sooner or later she will lose interest in you if she can not be naturally attracted to you or if the power shifts too much in her favor.

One of the main reason traditional relationships stay together is because a man is being a man and a woman is being a traditional woman. Because of the essential role reversal that is now pervasive in our society everything has gotten confused.

There is going to be drama in any type of long-term relationship with an independent and especially beautiful woman. The chance that she will give up a lot of her freedom and newfound rights to be more like her traditional counterpart throughout the rest of the world, is very slim.

The inability for her to give up a lot of her freedoms and play her more biological role of just being a mother leads to nagging, the gene, griping that many American married men will tell you about (especially if they are divorced).

I do not want to give relationship advice for men in 50-50 relationships with women, because I do not deal with that kind of drama in my life. You will find that if you can just be a man and living your reality, you will attract women to you who will want to stay around you and you will not have to question why she is not calling you because you will be calling you more often than you will be calling her.

This is really the way it is supposed to be. She is the one who is supposed to be hanging by you and that’s what she wants to do despite what feminists say. Just look at women who are around men; they will often choose men who are not nice guys now and they will be calling them.

If you can just be a natural or a man that creates attraction and desire within women, you will have them calling you a lot more often and you will not be wondering why no one ever calls. Hey I’ve gone through it in the past as well with American women.

It is his energy of essentially giving her the power and choice in the relationship which she ultimately resents it will not call you back for; in that sense some things have never changed. Women are still women beneath their hard edged socially developed exterior.

If you want to learn how to have women calling you, then make sure you check out my ultimate resource ‘Mens Guide to Women’. If she can just be around a man who is 100 comfortable around her without letting her perceived socially acceptable appearance get in the way, she will be magnetically attracted to you.

There is a lot of leverage that is giving her this power that is already natural anyways. It is up to you to take advantage of this to give both you and her what you are looking for. This is the opposite of how Mikey reacted after he got back from the club.

In fact in a movie you will notice that his ex-girlfriend finally called him back when he officially let her go by taking the other call from his new girlfriend. This is not too far from the truth of reality.

Somehow women just know (as in the opening sequence of the movie). He was emotionally hanging on to her for too long, giving her the power in the relationship; this is not the biological order, he was being a wussy.

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“Why isn’t she with you?” “She left.” “Why?” “There were so many reasons.” “There were not so many reasons. There was only one. You made yourself too available.”

-From JOURNEY TO IXTLAN: THE LESSONS OF DON JUAN by Carlos Castaneda.

The characters in the above scenario are men, but women often make themselves too available in relationships, as well. The consequences are usually disastrous.

Hey, we tell ourselves, I like the guy. He might be the one! Can’t let him slip through my fingers! So, we stay home and wedge the last bit of peanut butter from the jar for dinner. Can’t run out for real food and risk missing his call!

When he does call, we move heaven and earth to hang out with him. So what if we had plans to go out with friends on Friday night? Cancel! So what if we had a dentist appointment when he called at the last minute about having football tickets. Cancel! Hey, these things aren’t important, right?

Wrong!

When you cancel prior agreements to be with a guy, you’re pretty much canceling your life. Deep down, you don’t feel good about it (your friends and dentist don’t feel good about it, either). You’re also telling the guy that you can’t live without him.

And that lowers your stock.

Let’s turn the tables: Would you really want some a guy who cancels plans with his friends to be with you? Who calls you three times a day? Who treats you like you’re his one and only shot at happiness?

No, you wouldn’t. Regardless of his education, salary, sense of humor, and great looks, you’d stop respecting him. Any attraction you once felt for him would die a quick and sudden death.

You’d dump him and look for a guy who has a life.

Now, don’t misunderstand me. I don’t advocate playing games. If a man calls you, you answer the phone. If he leaves a message, you call him back. But if he calls you at 7:30PM on Friday to go to a football game on Saturday, I’d think twice about it.

In other words, don’t let yourself be taken for granted.

My mother told me of a rule she had when she was dating: She’d never say yes to a date for a weekend unless the guy asked her before Thursday. She explained that a man would figure she didn’t have much going on if she didn’t have plans by then. When she told me this, I thought it sounded contrived and stupid. But, as in most things, it turns out she was right.

Remember this: Everybody, man or woman, likes to win a prize. Being available, but not too-available, makes you a prize.

As time goes on and your relationship with a guy becomes serious, it’s important to keep up your hobbies, continue to see your friends, and do all the things that make you who you are –things that don’t necessarily include him.

It makes you attractive. What’s more, you’ll like yourself more for it. Women who like themselves are especially desirable, sexy, and fun to be around.

Be that woman…

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To become a professional in flirting isn’t so hard. You must follow this few rules, and every women or men can be your next partner.

According to the “the rules,” women sit by the phone waiting for men to call. Each woman then chooses a suitor to take her out on a date, or, eventually, to marry. I.e., the conventional wisdom is that “men court, then women choose.”

Reality is the opposite. Female monkeys initiate more than 80% of matings. In singles bars and at parties, women initiate two-thirds of flirting interactions.

Women who follow “the rules” and passively wait get the 20% of men that other women don’t want. I.e., they find that “the good ones are taken” by women who take an active role in courtship.

Instead, a woman should choose the man she wants to court her -”women choose, then men court.” E.g., the French romantic comedy Amélie charmed audiences with a young woman pursuing a young man-by making him pursue her.

Babysitting Lessons

I was asked to babysit a five-year-old girl and a three-year-old boy. The children didn’t know me. We went out in their backyard. The girl threw dirty water from their wading pool on me. I told her to stop. She threw mud on me.

I got the message. I went to the far corner of the backyard and played alone in the sandbox. Within a minute the boy came over. We played with the trucks, loading and unloading sand and pebbles, making truck sounds, but not talking. After ten minutes the girl came over. She didn’t want to play with trucks, but insisted that we play with her. We invented a game to play in the front yard, and played happily all afternoon.

Adult women act like the five-year-old girl. If an unfamiliar man approaches a woman, her reaction is, “I don’t know you. Go away. Leave me alone.”

For example, a woman came to our running club. I asked her questions on the run out-”Where are you from” “Where do you work,” etc. Her answers were monosyllabic. On the run back a woman asked her the same questions-and she happily chatted away, answering in long paragraphs.

Some women are friendly, easily talk to men, and right away make you feel that they genuinely like you. These women are all married, and always to great husbands. This suggests what the most important relationship skills are for women!

To get a shy woman to “open up” and become friendly, do something fun with other people. She’ll watch at first, and then want to join in. E.g., on the run, if I’d happily chatted with a group of men and women (instead of trying to talk to her alone), she would’ve wanted to join our discussion.

If you play softball, don’t interrupt a group of women talking, to ask one woman if she wants to practice catching pop-ups. Instead, hit pop-ups for another man to catch. Laugh and make it look fun. Sooner or later, you’ll notice a woman quietly watching you, waiting for an invitation. Invite her to join in.

Flirt with Everyone

Flirting is making a person feel good. Make eye contact, smile, compliment, and then make the person feel special.

Don’t limit your flirting to attractive, single persons of the opposite sex. Make everyone you meet feel good about themselves. Compliment old men, women pushing strollers in the park, the person behind you in the supermarket line, and your in-laws.

When you meet an attractive, single person of the opposite sex, you’ll feel more confident. The rest of the time you’ll make friends.

Don’t wait until you’re in love to start loving in your life. Don’t wait until you’re in love to practice being attentive, to practice giving.
— Barbara De Angelis, Coming Alive With Love (1985)

Begin with waiters and waitresses. If you say the wrong thing, leave a big tip.

Go out with a same-sex friend (e.g., a man goes out with a male friend). This makes it easier to flirt with two persons of the opposite sex (e.g., two women). After an interaction, discuss with your friend what you did right and wrong.

Peek-a-Boo

At a restaurant, catch the eye of a toddler. Then hide behind your menu. The kid will grin and excitedly play peek-a-boo with you.

Human brains are wired to play peek-a-boo. We love attention. Peek-a-boo is how we attract another person’s attention.

Spy thrillers are full of peek-a-boo games. We love it when a mild-mannered character removes his disguise and reveals himself as James Bond.

Play peek-a-boo to meet singles. Make eye contact from a distance, and then look away. Hide behind something or someone. Repeat the eye contact-then-hide cycle for several minutes.

Women play peek-a-boo more subtly than men. If you’re a man, don’t get discouraged if your object of desire seems to have only the slightest interest in you. If you’re a woman, don’t be too subtle. E.g., making eye contact via your compact’s mirror won’t register with most guys.

If you see two women or a group of women, or two men or a group of men, you can’t approach and start talking to one individual. Instead, write a note on your business card. Tip your server $20 to give your card to your object of desire. Your note should tell him or her to meet you in another room, out of sight of his or her companions, in five minutes.

“Speed Dating”

Nobody understands a damn word Deepak Chopra says, but it’s who he’s being that’s just kind of mesmerizing.
— Joel Roberts, KABC talk show host

7% of what an audience remembers about a talk show guest is his or her words. 93% of what they remember is what lawyers call demeanor. Psychologists call it affect. Actors call it attitude.

A Los Angeles group has made dating like talk shows. In “speed dating,” participants meet for seven minutes. Then a bell rings, and they move to the next numbered table. In ninety minutes, each participant gets seven speed dates. About 50% of participants get a real date afterwards.

“Speed dating” may sound harsh, but it’s what everyone does. Communicating “the real you” in seven minutes or less isn’t possible via verbal communication alone. Communicate via your clothes, body language, eyes, and voice.

Compliments

Giving compliments costs you nothing, and wins friends.

Compliment the person’s smile. Then smile. This will make the person smile. You’ll look more attractive when you smile. Smiling will make the other person feel happy.

Compliment the person’s eyes. This reminds you to make eye contact. Look into the person’s eyes long enough to mentally note his or her eye color.

Compliment the person’s name. This help you remember the person’s name. Associate the person’s name with an interesting fact, e.g., ask how his or her name is spelled (e.g., Rebecca vs. Rebekah), the ethnic origin, or the meaning of the name. Ask if the person is related to a celebrity with the same last name. Read a history of your area to learn the names of local heroes and historical figures.

Compare the person to a celebrity. But make sure the celebrity is physically attractive, and the right age. Don’t tell a woman that she reminds you of Ally McBeal, or tell a man under sixty that he reminds you of Sean Connery.

Avoid compliments about things you’re competing on. Avoid compliments that put yourself down. E.g., you lose a tennis game. Don’t say, “Your serve is strong! I could never serve as well as you.” This puts the person in a difficult position. If he insists that your serve is good, he’s impolitely rejecting your compliment. If he accepts your compliment, he’s impolitely agreeing that you’ll never serve well.

The best, most difficult compliment is to compliment what embarrasses the person. E.g., if a well-dressed woman is driving a beat-up old car, say that she looks like a woman that blues musicians write songs about. Then improvise a blues song about her beautiful looks and her clunker car. The person feels embarrassment when you point out a fault. Then he or she feels good when you say that the fault is attractive.

Lastly, listen for extraordinary things people have done, then reflect this back to them. This is a listening skill, not a talking skill. Everyone thinks that their lives are ordinary. E.g., a man who flies jet fighters thinks of himself as an ordinary fighter pilot.

Transition Points

People are open to new relationships when they’re at transition points. Transition points include:

• Starting college.
• Moving to a new city.
• Starting a new job.
• Moving to a new apartment.
• Buying a new car.

Getting out of prison is a transition point. I live across the street from a corrections halfway house, full of beautiful young felonious women. I’ve resisted the temptation to go over and casually ask, “So, when do you get out?”

Transition points make people less critical of each other. E.g., a woman has graduated from college, found a good job, rented a cool apartment, and bought her first new car! In six months she’ll be bored with the job, hate the cockroaches, and her Hyundai will leak oil. But now everything is big and new and wonderful. She feels that she’s “on a roll.” If a man walks into her life, she’ll think he’s another great part of her new life.

In contrast, a 34-year-old divorcée with two children, a house she’s lived in for six years, a car she’s driven for eight years, and a job she’s had for ten years will be harder to date. Dating disrupts her routine. The annoyance of the disruption overrules the possible enjoyment of a new romance.

To meet new people, create a transition point in your life.

Dancing for Dummies

I have a friend who’s a professional dancer. Women are in seventh heaven dancing with him. He leads so well that women who’ve never waltzed, hustled, or hip hopped are spinning around the dance floor. This is stereotyped gender role attraction at its best. He’s in the driver’s seat, she’s in the passenger seat, and the ride is fun.

But I can’t stand dance lessons. Most of the time I’m learning steps, i.e., dancing solo. When I dance with a partner I have to concentrate on the steps, not on connecting with my partner. If I connect with my partner, I forget the steps. This annoys her. Dance lessons make me look and feel stupid, and make me disconnect from my partner.

Women, in general, are better dancers and learn dances faster. Yet women expect men to lead them. This makes no sense until you consider the Great Male Hierarchy hardwired into our brains. Skilled dancers, and the women they danced with, created social dances. Social dances are intentionally difficult, so that women can easily separate the “alpha” males from the village idiots.

Men fantasize about winning the Superbowl, playing against other men. Women fantasize about winning dance competitions, led by a skilled, handsome, and romantic man (e.g., Dirty Dancing).

Try dance lessons. If you easily learn the steps and have fun, go for it. But if you’re like me, focus on connecting with your partner. Make eye contact. Then mirror your partner’s movements. Mothers and infants do this. It’s how toddlers play peek-a-boo. It’s hardwired into your brain. Mirroring makes two people emotionally connect.

At first, give your partner room. Don’t touch her. As you intuitively connect, the two of you will find moves that you enjoy. Dance closer, touch, and lead. Now you’re ready to ask a dance instructor to teach you spins and swings. Over time, you’ll become a skilled dancer. But, unlike dance lessons, the journey will bring you and your partner together.

Making a Date

Ask for a date directly. Don’t ask vague or indirect questions. Playing games invites the person to lie or play games.

Don’t accept a vague or indirect answer. E.g., you’re looking forward to an event. You ask a person out. The person says “maybe,” meaning “no.” You hear “maybe,” meaning yes. Two weeks later, you figure out that “maybe” meant “no.” But now it’s too late to ask anyone else out. If a person says “maybe,” or doesn’t return your call or e-mail, assume that the person means “no.” Ask someone else out.

If the person says “no,” thank him or her for the clear answer.

Telephone Numbers

• Ask for a telephone number or e-mail address.
• A man should offer his card, but shouldn’t expect a woman to call. A man should never give a work or voicemail number. This suggests that he’s married and trying to trick her.
• A woman concerned about her privacy or safety should rent a voicemail box, or give out her e-mail address.

Business Cards

• A man’s business card should communicate status. He should ask his supervisor to give him a more impressive job title. Or add a title given by a professional association. Or hire a graphic designer to create a beautiful card.
• A man should write his home telephone number on his business card when giving it to a woman. He should add his home address so she can drive by and see what his house looks like.

E-mail Addresses and Personal Websites

• Use an e-mail address that identifies your gender and age, e.g., “Ernie1959.” Build a personal website with information about yourself, your photo, etc. Put the URL in your e-mail signature. Your e-mail recipients can then read more about you.

Excuses to Ask Personal Info

• Take advantage of excuses to ask people about themselves. E.g., in a business class it’s appropriate to “network” with classmates: “And where does your husband work? Oh, you’re not married?”

How to Call

• If a woman gives a man her telephone number, he should call her the next day.
• He shouldn’t wait two days. If he hesitates, she’ll feel hurt and rejected.
• If you get her answering machine, read a romantic poem (e.g., a Shakespeare sonnet). Women love romantic poetry.

Dress for Sex

Men’s Clothes

Dress to communicate your gender. Masculine clothes have heavier fabrics. Colors are darker. Masculine clothes emphasize broad shoulders (e.g., epaulets), flat stomach (e.g., men’s shirts tuck into their pants), slim waist and hips, and muscled legs.

Boring, conservative clothes are masculine. Creative, attention-grabbing clothes are feminine. To attract women, wear normal clothes. Grey with a designer label is good. Don’t wear leather pants. Women assume that men who dress creatively are gay or mentally ill.

A beard hides your face. Religious patriarchs and department store Santa Clauses are playing a role and want you to see the mask, not the individual behind the mask. In contrast, businessmen and politicians don’t wear beards because hiding their faces makes them appear less trustworthy.

A full mustache communicates masculinity, dominance, and power. Its popularity varies between times and cultures-if you’re not Hispanic, gay, or living in the 1970s, consider shaving.

Women’s Clothes

Women’s clothes draw attention to their breasts, waist, and hips. Depending on whether adolescence or maturity is in fashion, women’s clothes either emphasize a flat stomach and thin legs, or make strong, sweeping curves to suggest fertility. Feminine clothes have lighter fabrics and brighter colors.

Play peek-a-boo to get men’s attention. Intentionally tear your jeans or sweaters, show a little cleavage, or wear a slit skirt. Sexy materials-leather, latex, spandex-play peek-a-boo by suggesting skin without showing skin.

Wear an accelerator and a brake. A pink t-shirt displaying “Playmate of the Year” in glittering letters is like a car with an accelerator but no brake. Men won’t hear “no.” Instead, wear a conservative skirt with sexy boots, or vice versa.

Women shouldn’t wear “trend of the minute” clothes. You’ll impress the people who read women’s fashion magazines-other women. Instead, wear “timeless” styles. Natural colors, patterns, and fabrics are timeless. Things not found in nature aren’t.

The Best Pick-Up Line

The best conversation-starter is to interpret how a woman’s clothes express her personality. Read The Language of Clothes, by Alison Lurie (2000), to interpret the colors, patterns, and styles of women’s and men’s clothes.

Then read Big Hair: A Journey into the Transformation of Self, by Grant McCracken (1996), to talk about her hairstyle. The chapter about blondes is worth the price of the book.

Dream Houses, Dream Relationships

Clothes are about flirting. Houses are about relationships. When you imagine your dream home, you also imagine your dream relationship. Creating your dream home may lead to your dream relationship. Conversely, living in a place that makes you unhappy will prevent you from forming happy relationships.

The most common home problem is commitment to the past, a.k.a. clutter. Clutter defines the old you. Donate your ex-self to Goodwill. Create space in your home for something new.

E.g., a woman’s home was dominated by her ex-husband’s piano. She couldn’t start relationships. When she got rid of the piano she immediately found a relationship. If you’re a man, communicate that you’re relationship material:

• Display pictures of your family-especially of you playing with your nieces and nephews.
• Green, healthy plants communicate that you’re capable of taking care of something.
• To make your living room communicate your personality, start by getting rid of the television. This will also give you time for a new relationship-Americans average four hours of television a day.
• A bed against a wall communicates that you intend to stay single. Create walking space on both sides of the bed.
• Women like clean bathrooms. Their sense of smell is better than men’s. If you’re incapable of keeping your house clean, just clean the bathroom. John Gray’s next book will be Mars and Venus in the Bathroom.
• Pizza, chips, and beer communicate “bachelor.” Fresh fruits show that you buy groceries more than once a month. Diet soft drinks, exotic coffees and teas, and low-fat ice cream show that you understand women.

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The concept of ‘nice’ keeps on changing from time to time. It is really worth mentioning that nice guys just like the sexy gals have more demand in reality…still, there is no hard and fast rule regarding this pre-conception. Making friendship or to end-up-with sexual action with the person from the opposite sex does not only depend upon the physical beauty or good behavior, but also relies largely on mental smartness and extreme urge for attaining your desired one.

From our common experience, we can say that a handsome guy can attract a young girl through his bright complexion, stylish hair, sharp eyes, muscular structure and several other features. Adding to all these, they do possess extra qualifications like smartness at the hour of requirement, ability to crack jokes at certain points to ward off monotony of life, sensuousness and most importantly, faithfulness in the core of hearts.

To evaluate whether a nice guy can end up making friendship or having sex, we need to segregate boys into two compartments: the first one who can successfully hook up and other one who can’t. It would be wrong if we come into the conclusion right now that a nice guy can always finish at last, it is definitely not true; on the other hand, if we mention that nice guy can not succeed at all, we are creating a misconception about the so called ‘nice guys’. So, to make it simple, there is no fixed rule, which can be applied to determine whether a nice guy comes at the end of the race. Still, we have an option wide open to discuss about the features that finishes at last.

There is no denying the fact that individual opinion cannot be taken granted as general; but to make a general opinion, fragmented individualized opinion have to be considered as a whole. Consider a blue-eyed boy with silky and spiky hair; when he opens his clothes, a stout feature comes out that reflects sinewy biceps and bony chest. Soothing smile added with mesmerizing stare compels every second person to fall in love…if these features are tinged with aesthetic dressing combination, they would become simply the heartthrob of any sexy girl. Style of expressing something, intellectuality and other mannerisms also earn attention of the loved ones. Style of walking, way of communication and last but not the least, his eagerness to make friendship with opposite sex is the criteria for coming up with flying colors in the game of dating.

Think of a boy with all the abovementioned features…do you think he would be able to capture attention of a girl at the first appearance? Probably YES and probably No!!! It may seem ridiculous, but is true to the deepest sense of the term. Actually, the power of catching attention of any new person does not only depend on the outward features, but also on the innate power. It is seen quite often that a man with ordinary looks can mould mind of a young girl through his power of communication, affability, openness and more. It is not that nice but shy guys will always come at the last in the race. But, it is happening to most of the nice guys…they meet women, but their extrovert friends take the cake away while they remain standing at the corner on their own, wondering ‘why the girls don’t look at me when they pass by?’ It is quite simple really…men are generally physically stronger than women and usually performs the job of earning money for the rest of the family. A smart and ebullient guy ooze confidence like no nice shy guy does and that attract the women to go for making love with them. Women get attracted to opposite sex due to ‘cockyness’ and dominating nature and then breaks up for the same reason and then repeats this cycle with another man. The thing is that women rarely comes out of their cocoon and advances for making love; but men have to take the initiative just like the matchstick is essential for creating great fire. This is why nice shy guy come last in the event of making love.

So, nice-guys will have to come forward leaving behind the tears of self-loathing and getting over their shyness. They are required to do something on their own. Prepare yourself for the right time and place, flash killing glances when any young girl stares at you and do not hesitate to interact with her. Keep your relationship growing through proper communication, know her likes and dislikes, and propose to carry your association for long. You can get two answers in turn – she might have fallen in love or may show unwillingness to continue. If she agrees with your proposal, carry on making love and enjoy the rest of your life; but if she denies your proposal, try your luck for another girl. Don’t be disheartened at all!

It will definitely work for you by getting turned down once in a while. Your key phrase should be like this…”getting hurt is much better than regretting for not taking any action on my own.”

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Men are proud of their sexual exploits. That’s why we brag about them like idiots. However, during the actual act, some guys are much more uptight than they let on—sometimes uptight enough that they fail to really enjoy the experience.

Here’s a look at some common reasons for male self-consciousness during sex, and what you can do to boost a nervous guy’s ego.

1. The Hands.

Many men have no idea what to do with the hands, and we’ll worry that we’re being clumsy and awkward. This, of course, causes us to become clumsy and awkward. Our hands will be all over the place, grabbing on to any skin we can find. Sexy, eh?

Usually, once we’ve been having sex with the same person for a while, we’ll gradually get more comfortable and this one clears up on its own.

2. Our Guts.
Many guys worry about the size of their guts, even if they don’t really have visible guts. They may just worry about weight in general. Hey, we don’t want to crush the person we’re with, but sometimes that’s what it feels like when we’re on top.

Plus, there’s the psychological embarrassment of simply being naked with another person. If you’re with a guy who’s at all concerned about his weight, chances are good that those concerns triple when he’s nude.

Switching occasionally to a woman-on-top position can take the edge off these weight concerns.

3. Orgasms.
Men are wired to think about orgasms during sex—on our side, the “just enjoy it” concept is very hard to understand, because for men, sex has a goal, and that goal is the orgasm.

We’ll get very worried if a woman doesn’t have an orgasm during sex. For the majority of women, though, this goal isn’t there. An orgasm is nice, but the sex itself is the draw. Most men are completely unaware of this, and they’ll judge their own manhood by the number of orgasms that they’ve given out in their lifetimes (474, by the way). Simply telling them that your goal is not a big orgasm will lead to a better time for everyone involved.

4. The Penis.
Yeah, you knew this would be on here, didn’t you? Guys do worry about their junk, and their worries fall into pretty expected areas—they worry whether they’re big enough, or whether they’re using what they’ve got, er, correctly. Guys worry about what you’re thinking most of all, and how it relates to their status as a man.

Let them know what you’re thinking, and you’ll soothe their nerves. A little bit of verbal encouragement can be hugely helpful, even for average-sized guys. If he’s got nothing to worry about, let him know. Hey, every guy likes a compliment about his genitals.

Not all guys are self-conscious, of course, but if you’ve got a guy who seems to develop a severe nervous condition every time he strips down, being a bit empathetic can help improve things a bit.

Ever get self-conscious during sex? Share your thoughts below.

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There are loads of things that affect a woman’s sex drive. Some factors are obvious, while others definitely are not. It can be very difficult to tell exactly what the problem is, so here is a collection of sneaky things — from birth control to ecstasy — that may be affecting her sex drive.

Common Libido Killers
The most common libido killers are stress, children, relationship problems, physical injuries or lack of physical ability, and illness. Libido is fairly fragile at times and relies on many different human aspects — emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual — to work in harmony.
1- Psychological Hindrances
Confidence: Confidence issues and stress are both major hindrances to a healthy sex life. Bad self-image is the worst offender, with weight issues topping the list. These are the women who always want the lights out and won’t fully undress in front of you. It can take a long time for a woman to get comfortable in her own skin, and the best thing you can do is reassure her that she is beautiful and desirable. Find the parts of her you love (her brain as well as her body), and remind her how great she is as often as you like.

Stress: Most people are a little stressed, but when it starts to affect your sex life, it becomes a problem. Stress relief is in order here, but how that is achieved is up to you and her. Take the bull by the horns, and provide a relaxing massage and a bit of pampering — this will go a long way. Just watch out if she is stressed and tired because a great massage may put her to sleep!

Anxiety: If she is anxious, she won’t be randy. Along with stress, feeling anxious about sex for whatever reason (perhaps childhood abuse, rape or other fears) is a tragedy not only for your sex life, but for her whole life. She needs to figure out and overcome her reasons for feeling anxious, and the best thing you can do is support her. It won’t be easy, but with good communication, it can be handled and eventually resolved.

2- Physical health
Lack of physical exercise: Women who exercise regularly have higher sex drives, and more often than not, their periods are less painful and PMS is a lot less severe or even nonexistent. In fact, if a woman does regular strenuous exercise (four times a week for about an hour), she is far less likely to suffer from hormone-induced problems. This happens because when the body is healthy, small chemical and hormone changes have the effect they’re supposed to have — preparing the body for pregnancy — instead of causing major disturbances to chemicals in the brain and wreaking havoc on the body and mind.

Better your sex life by ditching the burger and fries and avoiding these female libido killers.

It can be an extremely stupid thing to suggest to a woman that she exercise more, so by suggesting physical activities you can do together (like going for jogs or rollerblading), you are improving your own sex life (and overall health and happiness) as well as hers.

Poor diet
Diet plays a major role in painful periods, and in overall happiness and well-being. Her diet can be stopping her from feeling her best, so taking a good look at what goes in will help to determine what her body dishes out. After all, we are what we eat. Again, suggesting she stop eating crap food is going to land you in the dog house, so make these changes to your own eating habits so she doesn’t feel she is being picked on. Let her learn by your example. Swap the chips for a salad, the Coke for water, and both your energy levels will rise as a result. More energy for life means more energy for sex.

Toxic overload
If we don’t help our bodies clear out toxins, they will build up and give us zits, odors and low energy levels. Helping our bodies rid the toxins will make us feel better quite easily and quickly. Smoking, pollution, lack of exercise, bad diet, and being overweight all make us feel less stellar than we should, and these factors also kill our sex drives. The best ways to rid our bodies of toxins are to drink plenty of water and antioxidants like green tea, and get exercise.

PMT
PMT can affect her in the week or days before her period. All women experience premenstrual changes, but some have what is clearly defined as a serious problem. You probably know of women who suffer from PMT: they are the women you refer to as The Bitch or The Psycho. Their behavior is irrational, illogical, emotional, and fraught with tension and anxiety. One minute they may seem perfectly fine, and the next they are a raging maniac, crying, yelling, and being irritable.

This may be a bad time for trying to have sex, and saying something like, “Have you got your period?” will go over like a lead balloon. In saying this, sometimes increased premenstrual aggression means sex is especially vigorous and primal. Women are extra sensitive during this time because of high estrogen levels. The best way to deal with this is to avoid arguing back, and if you want to help fix the problem, encourage her to do some exercise and other stress-relieving activities (and yes, sex is one of these, but do try others).

Birth control
Oral contraceptive pill: The OCP is a small pill that controls the body’s hormones artificially to prevent pregnancy. The good news: The freedom gained from the pill is an aphrodisiac; knowing she won’t get pregnant is liberating, and definitely encouraging for both of you. The bad news: The pill can be dangerous for a woman’s libido. Her hormones are leveled completely (and artificially), which rules out the sexual peak at ovulation (most birth control pills force the body to skip ovulation) and just before her period. It effects the body by increasing the levels of something called SHBG (sex hormone-binding globulin), which attaches itself to testosterone in her bloodstream, rendering it useless.

Testosterone is responsible for much of a woman’s sex drive, so the loss of her already low levels is bad news. This can be a trade off, because we all love raw sex. Going off the pill may not be the best idea, so get her to ask her doctor for an alternative type of birth control.

Depo-Provera injection: This injection is a high dose of artificial progesterone. This tricks the body into thinking it is already pregnant, but progesterone inhibits the production of estrogen, which is essential for the health of her reproductive system and, therefore, essential to her sex drive. The lack of estrogen can cause a problem called atrophic vaginitis, which can make sex painful and cause serious and uncomfortable problems with the urinary tract, vagina and vulva.

This form of birth control has been linked with mental health issues, weight gain and vaginal problems that hinder sex by making it painful and uncomfortable. Aside from those symptoms, it decreases sex drive considerably in most women, which is obviously not good for you.

Implanon implants: Similar to Depo-Provera, this implant is a slow release of progesterone that can last in the body for up to three years.

The good news: Her sex drive may hit the roof (or the floor), taking you with it. If it works for her, it is a good (and sex-a-plenty) alternative to the pill. The bad news: This matchstick-size implant can wreak havoc with her body, resulting in a very high sex drive, but almost black-widow-like behavior (she’ll hunt you down, screw you, then eat you alive). The side effects — moodiness, obsessive behavior, acne, and depression — can be very destructive. It also causes swelling of the brain. Every woman experiences different changes in libido, both positive and negative, while using this form of birth control.

Prescription drugs
Antidepressants: Some antidepressants can increase libido in women, while others, such as Prozac, reduce it significantly. There are some that have had fewer reported sexual side effects, so if one antidepressant doesn’t work well, there are other options. Overall, antidepressants help encourage sex because she will be feeling better about life in general and will have more energy, but orgasm can often be delayed or not happen at all. In this case, good communication is essential because a chemistry problem can turn into a psychological problem very quickly. If you have to kiss and play around while she gets better, then so be it; pressure to have sex is also a libido killer.

Blood pressure drugs: Most blood pressure drugs kill a woman’s sex drive, so other drugs may be prescribed to counter this. The doctor may try a few different types of blood pressure drugs to find one that won’t affect her sex drive. The reason for the high blood pressure needs to be addressed so she can get back to full health, and easy ways to help this are encouraging exercise and good diet, and doing fun, stress-free activities.

Drugs are uncool, buddy, especially for her the female libido. Here’s why…

Sedatives: Medications like Xanex, Diazepam and Valium are known to lower one’s sex drive and ability to be aroused. Occasionally, this may result in an inability to reach orgasm, which can be a terrifying and stressful experience. Most sedatives do exactly that — sedate the body and mind. Having high energy levels and normal brain-body function is impaired significantly, leaving women feeling more like a lobotomized zombie than a sex goddess. It is hard to help things like this when the doctor seems to be in charge, and the reasons for being on sedatives are unique. Keeping the body as toxin-free as possible is always a good idea, so exercise, water and doing fun things will help her regain her health and well-being.

Other prescription drugs: Antihistamines can effect lubrication and cause drowsiness; antipsychotic, anti-seizure, anti-cancer, and non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs can all effect libido in a negative way.

Recreational drugs
Ecstasy: This drug is great for making out, and her sex drive is likely to go through the roof when she’s on it since her body is in the best mood ever, and everything feels great. The negative effects of ecstasy use are the after-effects of low serotonin — depression of normal body functions while the body realigns itself chemically and physically. Ecstasy is an aphrodisiac, but regular use is bad news.

Marijuana: Smoking pot has a depressant effect on the body, therefore, this drug is a libido killer. It also dries the vagina (and mouth) up, which is not helpful. If you want to have sex, don’t get her stoned.

Amphetamines (speed, crystal meth): Amphetamines are known to cause sexual dysfunction in both men and women. While speeding, sex is likely to be far from her (and your) mind, but talking a lot, and really fast, will not be.

Opiates (seroin, cocaine): Opiates are linked with the inability to orgasm and low sexual desire. Men may find they cannot get an erection, and women can have problems with moisture. Most people who use heroin say that sex is very low on the list of important things to do. Cocaine can be good for confidence, and sometimes increase sensations, but overall it is a slack aphrodisiac.

Illnesses and disorders
Thyroid: Problems with the thyroid directly affect hormones, which in turn wreaks chaos with a woman’s sex drive. It is one of the most undiagnosed problems with low sex drive because it is not really talked about as a symptom.

Adrenal glands: The adrenal glands are responsible for producing some of the testosterone in women, so when this gland is not performing to its peak, the amount of testosterone (the sex hormone) is lowered. This means she’ll experiences less desire to have sex at any time. This gland is what keeps a woman’s sex drive active after menopause (when the ovaries, which are responsible for the rest of the testosterone, cease to function).

Hysterectomy: The removal of the uterus (and sometimes the fallopian tubes and ovaries) effects women differently. In studies, half the women experienced an improvement in their sex lives, with 21% seeing a decrease in desire and enjoyment. This shows that it could go either way. Depending on the circumstances of the hysterectomy, there will be many other factors influencing her sexuality and well-being. Because of the low levels of testosterone, she may end up with other problems, like thyroid deficiency, low energy levels and moodiness.
long live the libido

Defining the problem is the first step toward discovering why we’re not getting laid as much as we should be. Whether it’s overuse of McDonald’s or overuse of ecstasy, everything we put inside us effects our bodies and, therefore, our sex drives. If you can find the real problem, you can fix it.

A word of caution: Approach things you think would benefit from a change with tact and sensitivity. You don’t want to be booted out onto the sidewalk with teeth marks on your neck.

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ARTICLE FROM ZIMBIO

Just in case you thought the route to sexual bliss was straightforward, here’s a list of things to avoid. They’re all pretty much guaranteed passion killers for a woman – and if your check list contains more than ten of these, you’ve got some serious work to do on your sexual etiquette!

1) Going straight for the naughty bits

You’ve got to be sensitive to the fact that a woman is more likely to be irritated than aroused when a man dives for her breasts and vulva after a few minutes’ perfunctory kissing. While you might get to feel the goods, you’re not going to be invited back.

2) Not knowing how to kiss sensitively

Passionate or sensitive, firm or gentle, good kissing is an art form which lubricates the wheels of sex and gets everyone in the mood for more intimacy. Learn how to kiss, and do it well. That doesn’t mean sticking your tongue in her mouth and wiggling it around like you’re trying to floss her teeth.

3) Being too rough when you touch her erogenous zones

Men like a firmer touch than women, especially when it comes to our penises. So if you touch her clitoris with as much force as you apply to your penis when you masturbate, she’s most likely to howl with pain – and then kick you out of bed. Remember: the clitoris has twice as many nerve endings as the penis, in a much smaller area. Treat it with respect. It’s the only organ in the human body that has no function other than to provide pleasure.

4) Not stroking and caressing her

A woman’s second biggest sex organ is her skin. (The first is her mind.) You can make your touch on any part of her body into a sexy caress, but you have to focus on what you’re doing and put some sexual energy into your fingers while you caress her. That means not thinking about the baseball game while you’re giving her a sensuous massage.

5) Locking onto her nipples like a suckling child

Yes, we know it’s fun for you. To her it just feels like she’s got a teething infant hanging off her breast. Lick and kiss around her whole breast before you go for the nipple, then flick your tongue gently across the nipple and around the areolae. If she likes what you’re doing, you’ll know by her moans of pleasure.

6) Biting on her earlobe because you think it’s sexy

She may not agree with you. In which case it will just be irritating for her, not a prelude to her turning into the sex goddess you thought you were summoning up.

7) Leaving a hickey on her neck like a teenage badge of honor

If you’re over sixteen, this is a no-no. If you need to know why, you’re obviously under sixteen.

Not shaving before sex

When you’re in the throes of passion, having your beard stubble brushing back and forth across her face isn’t so sexy, but at least it’ll produce a red rash she can remember you by.

9) Not washing your pits and bits before you have sex

If there’s one thing that turns women off, it’s a lover whose personal hygiene isn’t up to scratch. Even though men have a higher smell threshold than women, keeping yourself clean – especially in the more intimate corners of your anatomy (like under your foreskin) – is not just a matter of courtesy, it’s a ticket back to the bedroom.

10) Forgetting she has a sensuous body waiting to be stroked

Pretty much the same point we already made up above, but worth remembering: touch doesn’t just have to be in the bedroom, a prelude to sex. In fact, if you touch her a lot in a loving way during the day, she’ll be ready to melt into your arms by bedtime.

11) Trying to get your fingers in her underwear before she’s ready

This is the mark of a gauche teenage lover who wants to get to fourth base just so he feels more accomplished as a lover. Take your time, let things evolve naturally, and apply a little sensuous touch on the fabric covering her vulva before you dive under the elastic. The hint of what’s to come is often more ero -tic than diving straight in there.

12) Dropping the condom on the floor

Must we say why this isn’t the most popular move post sex? Dispose of the condom tidily in a tissue – put it in the bin rather than down the toilet, or it’s likely to float there for some time to come as a reminder of your sexual encounter.

13) Going straight for the clitoris during oral sex or masturbation

Like we said above, most women just find this irritating – and, if you press too hard, bloody uncomfortable too. Your first caresses should be on her labia, the lips of her vulva, then as she gets more aroused, you can work nearer the clitoris itself. But even when she’s aroused a soft touch along the sides of her clitoris may be more acceptable for her than any pressure on the head of her clitoris.

14) Breaking off just as she’s getting to the point where she wants you to keep going at all costs

Women often get so lost in their sexual arousal that they forget to give feedback. In reality, the fact that she’s lying there quietly may actually mean she loves what you’re doing; if so, you should feel her pressing her vulva against your mouth or fingers, or shifting like she wants more touch, rather than giving you a sense that she’d rather be out shopping.

15) Undressing her clumsily

Listen up guys: you don’t have to be able to take her bra off with one hand, behind her back, while kissing her. In fact, in my experience, it’s better if you don’t try. She probably puts it on by fastening it first and pulling it over her head anyway. Let her take off the garments you don’t understand, and whenever you do lend a helping hand, undress her gently and sensuously rather than pulling at her clothes like you’re ripping the paper off a birthday present.

16) Undressing yourself inelegantly – which includes taking your socks off after your underwear

Nothing is more comical (or pathetic) to a woman than a man in his socks and pants. Except possibly a nak -ed man wearing socks. If you don’t understand why, just accept that it is so.

17) Expecting her to shave for you

You might like the baby smooth look around her vulva, but she’s more likely to see this as a prickly route to itchy stubble. Ask her nicely if you’d like her to go smooth. If she says “no”, accept that graciously.

18) Sticking a finger up her vagina before she’s ready, willing and able

In general, women do like to be penetrated just as much as men like to penetrate, which, considering how much men like to stick things up there, is just as well. However, she’ll only want you to do this when the time is right – i.e. when she’s aroused enough to enjoy it. If you’re giving her clitoris attention, there’ll be a point where she might like to have a finger or two inside her. If so, be gentle, and start with one finger on her G-spot. Make sure she enjoys this before you put another one up there. Two fingers on her G-spot is probably as much as she will want. And be just as firm with your touch as she finds pleasurable. If you don’t know what the G-spot is, then do some Google-ing before you get into bed.

19) Entering her without asking her first

What is it with men and these dark, wet places? Just keep in mind that she decides how far sex goes, and if she doesn’t want to enjoy intercourse then don’t press the point. This applies especially to any strategy that involves nudging your penis into position and then pressing forward without her consent, verbal or otherwise! Having said that, you don’t always need to ask “May I enter you?” though it can be a romantic and sexy thing to do if you’re looking deep into her eyes. Needless to say, that’s most likely to happen in the man on top position, which, by the way, remains everyone’s most popular position for sex.

20) Pecking away around her vagina with your penis if you can’t find the way in

This is, by all accounts, many women’s least desired sexual moment. If for any reason you can’t get in, don’t pretend you’re in control and keep trying. Simply ask her to guide you in with her hand. That way you’ll save a lot of embarrassment, not to mention time.

20) Pumping away without regard for her pleasure

When you’ve achieved your most desired objective, and your penis is inside her, you’ll want to show a certain consideration for her pleasure. She may want hard and fast thrusting, but it’s best to start slow and shallow. While you’re making love, she’ll most appreciate your efforts if you’re masculine and strong – which is to say, if you act like you know what you’re doing, you’re considerate and gentle at first, and work up to firm and strong thrusts if she likes them.

21) Expecting her to make love bottom up

Yes, we all enjoy rear entry. But she may be more self-conscious of her b -utt, she may feel like a sex object, and she may not like the rather impersonal nature of this position. If you really want to do it, and you explain to her why you like it so much (i.e. “It’s incredibly exciting to see your gorgeous bottom as we make love”, rather than “I get so turned on fu -ck -ing from behind”) she’ll probably co-operate from time to time, even if it’s only on your birthday and hers.

22) Thrusting too hard

If you happen to be well-endowed, or she has a short vagina, and you thrust too hard, you may end up banging her cervix. This can make her shriek, though sadly not with sexual pleasure.

22) Coming before she’s got excited or begun to enjoy sex

There aren’t many men who can last long enough to really satisfy a woman who enjoys vaginal intercourse and G-spot stimulation. If you can’t be bothered learning how to be a long lasting lover, then at least have the decency to keep going for a few minutes so she gets some pleasure. This isn’t hard, and there are plenty of ways you can learn to extend intercourse and not come so quickly. Do some research on Google for “end premature ejaculation”. See also number 26.

23) Not coming at all – or losing your erection when you put the condom on

If you’re one of that rarer breed of men who has trouble coming during intercourse, may we respectfully suggest you see a sexual therapist? You can then deal with this problem, learn to come more quickly, and avoid giving her a numb vagina and an intimate knowledge of the exact shade of color you painted your bedroom ceiling. If you’re one of the many men who lose their erection when the condom comes out of its foil wrapper and onto the head of your penis, it’s back to Google for a search on, surprisingly enough, “losing erection when putting on a condom”.

24) Asking her how it was for her

This is not the mark of a confident lover, so if you really want some feedback, phrase it thus: “Did you prefer it when I did X or Y?”

25) Not going down on her when she wants oral pleasure

Since oral sex on a woman is so pleasurable for most men, this seems unlikely. But if it’s a question of the smell or taste being a bit much for you, try taking a shower or bath together before sex. If you just want her to fellate you and you simply can’t be bothered to reciprocate with cunn ilin gus, then reading these tips isn’t going to help you much anyway.

26) Failing to give her pleasure if you come quickly

Remember the motto: “Women come first!” As a man, you’re probably going to lose interest in sex once you’ve ejaculated – at least for a while. In which case, make sure she comes through oral sex or masturbation before you enter her. That way, she gets her pleasure and so do you. (With the added bonus that it doesn’t matter so much if you shoot quite quickly.) Just to enter her, thrust a few times, come, roll over and forget about her is the mark of a boorish lover, and you wouldn’t want to be one of those, now would you?

27) Trying to force her head towards your co -ck

Let’s face it: she’s either willing to give your oral sex or she’s not. Trying to persuade her to get her lips around your glans by edging her head towards your groin is a bit crass, to say the least. If she doesn’t seem to be heading that way as things hot up, just ask her: “There’s something you could do that’d give me so much pleasure…..”

28) Trying to force her head further down on her co -ck when she’s giving you oral

Yes, once again we know it feels good, but you have to be considerate about it. She’s not likely to be a deep throat expert, and there’s no reason why she should be, since most of the pleasure of oral sex comes from the action of her tongue on your glans. Keep your hands away from her head unless it’s to gently stroke her hair, and you won’t feel the temptation to encourage her to go deeper.

29) Holding her head when she goes down on you

Pretty similar to number 28, but this time, holding her head and moving it up and down on your penis is the no-no. If you think that’s acceptable sexual etiquette you’ve been watching too many of the wrong kind of films.

30) Coming in her mouth without asking her if it’s OK

The taste of semen is very much an acquired taste; unfortunately it’s one that few woman ever acquire. If she doesn’t like it, ask her to keep going until the last minute, then tell her when you’re going to come so she can move back and finish the job with a well-lubed hand. You’ll get just as much pleasure, and she won’t have to gag or spit your semen out. By the way, accidentally forgetting to tell her you’re going to come is not permitted.

31) Thinking that a po r no movie has anything to do with real life

Porn is not good for men’s egos. Real life isn’t like that, OK?

32) Switching on a hard core porn film without asking whether that’s OK with her

Even if you find it arousing, she’s not likely to, for the simple reason that much of the porn available today is fairly abusive to women. Ask her first, and if you want to share the ero -tic thrill of watching people have sex, get hold of some romantic sex movies that will appeal to her emotions as well as her sex drive.

33) Apologizing for the size of your penis

Just in case you ever feel inclined to apologize for not matching up to the guys in the wrong kind of movies, just remember: 98% of women would rather have a sensitive lover than one with a big penis. If you’re with one of the other two percent, you need to find a new lover.

34) Answering honestly when she asks you what your last lover was like

Guys, when a woman asks you if her butt is too big, do you tell her the truth? Enough said. Your current lover is always the most gorgeous, sexy and desirable woman around. Even if she doesn’t really believe it, that’s what she wants to hear.

35) Asking her if she’d mind if her girlfriend joined you

Threesomes can be exciting, but they usually just cause jealousy and upset when one partner unexpectedly finds they don’t want their partner making out with another person. Needless to say, this usually happens to the woman. So be sure, be very sure, you know what you’re doing before you try this one.

36) Making her do all the work

Changing positions is all very well, but asking her to ride you each time you have sex seems a bit one sided. Vary the positions, have fun, and take equal shares of the work. Don’t just settle for one favorite position and flog it to death.

37) Trying to slip it in the back door by “accident”

Anal sex is something that a lot fewer couples have tried than you’d believe from what you read on the internet or see in porn. It’s something you might like to try, but you both have to want to do it. She’s not likely to respond with warmth if you keep pretending you’re poking her anus by accident. And she won’t believe you if you tell her you just didn’t want to ask for directions, even if that’s how you are when you’re driving around lost, looking for somewhere.

38) Photographing or videoing your lovemaking

Unfortunately, as many jilted lovers can testify, taking pictures while you enjoy sex is putting power in the hands of the person who has the pictures. A good compromise is to link your video camera direct to your TV without recording the images. That way you can have the ero -tic thrill of seeing yourself during sex without having to worry about seeing yourself having sex on the internet in a few years’ time.

39) Getting into the same old same old routine every time you have sex

Above almost everything else (except possibly being deeply in love), ringing the changes when you make love is the thing that will keep your sex life fresh and passionate. You’ll be surprised just how exciting it can be when you try a new position. This is simply because every position puts a different pressure on the penis and vagina, or gives you a new perspective of your partner’s body, or perhaps allows you to see entering your partner’s body, and so on. Exactly which sex position feels most pleasurable will depend on the shape and size and shape of your penis and her vagina.

40) Not romancing her

Women love romance. Men put up with it, or do it to get sex. True or false? Probably true, but the romantic “chase” is deeply rewarding for most men (i.e. seducing and winning a woman makes us feel deeply fulfilled), and romance is an essential part of that process. If you’re able to continue being romantic once you’re an established couple, then you set yourself head and shoulders above the rest of your fellow men, and you stand that much greater chance of getting regular, passionate sex.

41) Slapping her buttocks without checking if she’s into a little dominance play

No mater how exciting you may find the idea, don’t land a heavy slap on her butt without trying a few lighter ones first and seeing how she reacts. If you do, you may get a slap in the face. Or a kick in the balls.

42) Trying to do sex by the book (or the film)

Don’t copy the moves you see in porn films. They lack a certain something. Consideration for the woman, that would be.

43) Playing with her anus before she’s excited enough to appreciate it

When you’re masturbating her clitoris, and you have a finger inside her vagina, you may find that she responds well to a little anal play. If you have the position right, you can use your little finger to tickle gently at her anus as your forefinger plays with her G-spot. This may well add to her excitement – especially if she’s on the verge of orgasm. If you try this before she’s really excited and has stopped caring what’s happening to her, you might just turn her off completely, so it might not be a bad idea to check it out with her in advance.

44) Deafening her by shouting in her ear when you come

An easy mistake to make, especially if you like to have sex in the man on top position lying close to your partner, and you like to let the world know when you come. Unfortunately she won’t let you do it a second time, so bury your face in the pillow or something if you’re prone to uncontrollable vocal ejaculations as well as physical ones.

45) Talking dirty without checking if she likes it

Generally a little consensual dirty talk between adults adds to the excitement. The first time your partner tells you to f*** her hot wet c*** you’ll see what I mean. If that hasn’t happened yet, and you’d like it to, encourage her to talk dirty to you when you’re making love, and see what pops out of her mouth. You might be surprised. Remember legend has it that the quiet ones are often the most surprising in bed!

46) Lying on top of her without supporting your weight on your arms

Always remember: a gentleman takes his weight on his arms. Or elbows, or knees, or something.

47) Ejaculating on her without asking permission
Coming between her breasts or on her vulva or bottom can be incredibly exciting, but it’s nice to ask her first. She may see it less a mark of your ejaculatory prowess or manhood than a mess to clear up.

48) Not controlling your ejaculation

Like we said before, a good lover makes the effort to make sure his partner is satisfied before he is.

49) Not spending some time with her in your arms after sex

A man who gets up after he’s done the business and sets about his daily routine is probably top of most women’s sexual dislikes. For her, this is a special time when a woman feels very close to her partner. She takes much longer to come down from sex than a man does, she wants to know she’s loved and special, and she wants to feel adored by the man to whom she has just given her most precious asset. The very least you can do is to spend a half hour or so cuddling her while you relax after making love, even if you’re not going to spend the night with her.

50) Not cleaning up after sex

And since sex inevitably involves a certain amount of fluids, keep the tissues handy for afterwards. If you feel like being chivalrous, offer her a warm towel to clean herself, especially if you aren’t using condoms.

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